Death is Your Gift
by GarniGal
Summary: Why does Buffy have to die at the end of “The Gift”? How would everyone and everything change if she didn’t? SB
1. The Gift

Buffy fights manically on the tower, but her focus is split. She desperately wants, needs to reach her sister, to free her, save her and comfort her, but she has to keep Glory occupied in order to truly save Dawn. Hearing Dawn's voice screaming above, Buffy takes her eyes off Glory for an instant, scanning the platform above frantically for Dawn's slight figure. That instant is all that Glory needs. Buffy feels the blow to her face, and while it hurts, it doesn't hurt as much as falling from the tower, away from her sister. Desperately windmilling her arms as she falls, she grabs onto Glory's arm, dragging her to the ground with her.  
  
Both women struggle to their feet, Buffy tossing frantic glances at the Troll Hammer lying just out of reach. Glory stumbles back and shakes her head to clear the ringing from the lingering effects of the Dagon Sphere and the repeated blows. Sneering at the unarmed Slayer in front of her, she taunts Buffy.  
  
"You lost your hammer, sweet cheeks. What are you gonna hit me with now?"  
  
Buffy looked at the wall behind Glory, then up and beyond it as the wrecking ball comes crashing through.  
  
"Whatever's handy", Buffy mutters, grabbing her hammer and running back towards the tower.  
  
From their separate locations around the base of the tower, the groups look at the mass of humanity and demons blocking the only access to Dawn. Giles, Anya and Spike look at each other, and over at Buffy, again battering away on the Hell-Goddess with Olaf's Troll Hammer.  
  
"Has anyone noticed we're going backwards?" Anya whispers.  
  
Spike peeking up to see if there is any change in the crowd at the bottom of the stairs, is hit with a brick. "It's crossed my mind," he growls back.  
  
"As long as Buffy can keep Glory down long enough, it doesn't matter. There're only a few minutes left to start the ritual." Giles pants, staring up at the tower.  
  
Far above the melee, Dawn is crying silently. The wind tugs at her dress, even as she tugs at the ropes holding her hostage. She has no way of telling how long her sister must keep Glory away, and the time is wearing on her. She feels she's been trapped forever, and she's in a fever pitch of fear. With every creak, she's sure Glory will appear to start the ritual. With every gust she's sure the wind will send the structure toppling. She prays for Buffy to save her, but when her sister doesn't appear, she begins to pray for the entire tower to collapse. She'd be dead, but at least everyone she loves will be safe.  
  
A different creak sounds. She gasps in fear; sure that Glory has come to begin the ritual. Peeking through her lashes, she sees Doc, the demon who helped her with the spell to bring her mother back. She was terribly frightened of him when he shook her hand and let her see his demon eyes, but now he seems like a kindly old gentleman, a kind of saviour.  
  
She whispers frantically to him, the screaming having hurt her throat. "You. You can help me. Untie me. Please. Help me, she's coming."  
  
Doc smiles and walks towards her. "Well, it seems she's running a bit late, is the thing. And if her Splendidness can't be here in time to bleed you..."  
  
Dawn looks and feels sick, certain she's going to die.  
  
"Hey! Kid." Doc whispers manically. "Want to see a trick?"  
  
Exhausted, all Dawn can do is flinch and sob when Doc pulls a large shiny knife and waves it in front of her eyes.  
  
Back below, everyone but Giles is watching Buffy and Glory. It's obvious that Buffy has the upper hand. Giles has his eyes on his watch, counting down the minutes until they can call this a win.  
  
Suddenly, Spike looks upwards. He strains his eyes to make out the figures on the tower, but can't truly see anything. He stretches out his vampire senses towards Dawn, and tenses.  
  
"Someone's up there", he says flatly.  
  
Everyone scans the tower, then the group of minions and lunatics blocking access to it.  
  
Xander jumps up, ready to attack the deadly group. "We gotta charge or something!"  
  
Anya grabs his wrist, pulling him back out of harms way as more bricks and sticks fly overhead. "We tried that."  
  
Suddenly, Spike hears Willow's voice. He can barely make her out, sitting with Tara on the other side of the tower's base. Her voice, however, is right in his ear, no, not his ear, inside his head.  
  
"Spike. Can you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah, loud and clear"  
  
Giles, Anya, and Xander look on in confusion as Spike begins talking to himself.  
  
"Is there someone up there with Dawn?"  
  
Looking back up, Spike answers, "yeah, can't tell who."  
  
Willow's voice takes on a commanding tone as she says, "get up there. Go now."  
  
Looking at the well-prepared enemy, Spike mumbles uncertainly, "yeah, but..."  
  
Willow's voice screams in his head, demanding action. "Go!"  
  
As Giles, Xander and Anya look on, stunned, Spike launches himself at the dozens of people on the stairs.  
  
Just as he reaches them, braced for impact, a force knocks them aside, and he has a clear path to the top of the tower; to Dawn.  
  
Looking back below for an instant, he sees Tara and Willow, hands clasped, looking with steely eyes at the demons and lunatics. The enemy stumbles, stunned and unable to follow.  
  
As Spike reaches the top, he hears Doc's mild voice. Somehow, his gentle voice makes his threats even more unbearable.  
  
"Well. What do you know?" Spike hears. "It's just about that time."  
  
Dawn's eyes light up with relief when she sees Spike appear behind Doc. Spike puts his finger to his lips, trying to gain the advantage of surprise, but Doc can see it on her face, and whirls to face the vampire.  
  
"Come on, Doc." Spike taunts. "Let's you and me have a go."  
  
"I do have a prior appointment," Doc says, pointing his knife in Dawn's direction.  
  
"This won't take long," Spike says confidently.  
  
"No, I don't imagine that it will."  
  
Doc quickly sidesteps Spike's blitz attack and thrusts the knife deeply into the vampire's side. Spike doubles over, gasping in pain. Dawn whispers his name, closing her eyes against the sight.  
  
Now on his knees, his eyes blurry with pain, he can still see Buffy slamming Glory with the enormous hammer on the ground far below.  
  
"Buffy", he whispers.  
  
Squaring his shoulders, he pulls the knife from between his ribs and stands. Placing his body like a shield between Doc and Dawn, he gasps out, "you don't come near the girl, Doc."  
  
"I don't smell a soul anywhere on you vampire. Why do you even care?" Doc questions the blond vampire.  
  
"I made a promise to a lady." Spike says in a stronger voice, looking down at Buffy.  
  
"Oh?" Doc chances a glance at his pocket watch. Carefully placing the item back in his pocket, he springs at Spike. Spike dodges, and kicks at the demon, only to have his feet entangled in the long tongue. Spike falls onto his injured side, gasping with pain, but dragging Doc to the floor with him. The knife drops from Spike's nerveless fingers, and Doc quickly grabs it, and rises to his knees, pulling his tongue back in as he does so. Spike, finding his legs free, lashes out again, causing Doc to drop the knife again. As the two demons face each other, the knife skitters towards the ladder. It teeters on the edge, and then falls down a level.  
  
Doc watches his knife slide away from him, and then looks back at the vampire, no longer the mild mannered old gentleman. His pure black eyes glitter with anger, and he leaps to his feet with the grace and fluidity of a much younger man.  
  
Spike struggles to rise, but is too slow as Doc lunges towards him, capturing his arms and pulling him to his feet with surprising strength.  
  
Turning the vampire to face the struggling girl at the end of the platform, Doc smiled. "Then I'll be sure to send the lady your regrets."  
  
Spike met Dawn's eyes in anguish as Doc pushed him over the edge. As he fell through the air, all he could hear was Dawn screaming his name.  
  
Far below, Buffy could hear Spike whisper her name in pain. She paused in her attack on Glory to see Spike and Doc battling on the topmost platform of the tower. Knowing Spike would fail; she quickly renewed her strikes on the Hell-Goddess.  
  
Glory fell to her knees. Looking pathetic and near tears, she looks up a Buffy.  
  
"Stop it." She whispers.  
  
"You're a God," Buffy returns, no hint of compassion in her voice. "Make it stop."  
  
Another strike, and Glory falls onto her back.  
  
Buffy stands over her, slamming the hammer into her face.  
  
Suddenly, Glory morphs into Ben. Buffy has the hammer raised over her head, but stops her stroke when she sees the mortal man, instead of the God.  
  
"I'm sorry," Ben mumbles through the blood covering his face.  
  
"Tell her it's over. She missed her shot. She goes. She ever, ever comes near me and mine again..." Buffy stands tall and resolute over Ben's limp and battered body.  
  
"We won't. I swear."  
  
Buffy turns, lowers the hammer. Then she pauses and returns to Ben, hatred and pain in her eyes. "I don't believe you," she says, as she casually raises the hammer and drops it on Ben's face.  
  
Giles, Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander watch in horror and disgust as Buffy kills Ben.  
  
Unaware of their horror, Buffy runs towards the tower, towards her sister. Halfway up, she sees a body plummet downwards. Pausing to look down, she sees Spike sprawled on a pile of bricks, moving feebly. She increases her speed, knowing Dawn is up there, with an enemy, completely undefended.  
  
Only a level or two above her, Doc climbs the ladder again, having retrieved his knife. He moves slowly in front of Dawn, who shifts frantically, trying desperately to find some way to escape.  
  
Knife in one hand, Doc pulls out his pocket watch with the other. Studying the watch intently, he directs casual remarks at his struggling victim.  
  
"The timing must be exactly perfect. An instant too late or too early and the ritual is just another painful torture session. And the ritual must be performed exactly right. Shallow cuts, to let the blood flow free. Free, but slow. It's going to hurt a lot, I'm afraid, but in the service of the great and wonderful Glorificus, any sacrifice is acceptable. Enjoyable, even." Doc smiles as he snaps the pocket watch closed.  
  
"Buffy!" Dawn gasps, as her sister appeared behind Doc.  
  
Doc whirls, and then smiles at Buffy.  
  
"This should be interesting," he muses as he prepares himself to battle the Slayer.  
  
Buffy, with eyes on her sister, doesn't even pause. She simply brushes past Doc, pushing him off the tower. He falls, screaming, as Buffy unties Dawn.  
  
"Are you okay? Did he ... did he cut you?" Buffy sounds young and scared as she searches Dawn for injuries.  
  
Surprised, Dawn laughs. "He was too busy talking to cut me. I'm fine, Buffy."  
  
As if those were magic words, the tower began to tremble and creak more than before.  
  
Below, the rejoicing Scooby Gang stops hugging, and gaze upward fearfully.  
  
Giles's gasps out, "the tower, it was held together with Glory's will, and the constant attention of her slaves. Now that Glory is gone, the tower..."  
  
Pieces of the tower start to fall around them. The surviving minions and insane slaves scurry for cover, with the Scooby Gang right on their heels.  
  
Willow and Tara stop to help Spike clamber to his feet. He's weak from his injuries, and the sun is rising, causing him to wince. They run to a shady, protected spot, and Spike falls to his knees staring upward. He can just barely make out Dawn and Buffy struggling down the collapsing tower.  
  
"Xander," he gasps, "they need help."  
  
"I see them," Xander says, and strides out the tower, ignoring the danger.  
  
Looking up, he calls out to the two girls. "Buffy, Dawn! Jump!"  
  
Buffy looks down at him, and then over at her sister. "You first," she smiles. "I didn't come all this way just to lose you here."  
  
Dawn smiles, and then pulls herself over the stair railing. Closing her eyes, she jumps.  
  
Xander catches her easily, and smiles down at the girl in his arms. "See, no problem."  
  
They grin at each other, only startled into awareness when Anya's voice rings out in fear.  
  
"Xander!"  
  
She pushes Xander and Dawn to the side, only to be struck a glancing blow by debris that would surely have hit Dawn and Xander directly and potentially fatally.  
  
Dawn scrambles to the safety of the protected nook the other Scoobies are cowering in.  
  
Xander calls out to Anya and picks up the unconscious woman before heading back to his friends.  
  
Handing Anya's limp form to Giles, he turns to go back for Buffy, only to be stopped by Spike's hand on his arm.  
  
"Too late," Spike moans, covering his face.  
  
The tower, already unstable, was now swaying fiercely. Helpless, the group on the ground look on as Buffy clings to the crumbling structure, still trying to struggle downwards.  
  
Looking impotently towards her friends, Buffy catches Dawn's eye and smiles at the pretty young girl. She saved her sister. That's all she cared about right now. Dawn was okay. Saving the world was just gravy.  
  
Breaking eye contact with Dawn, she looks at Spike. He promised to protect Dawn. His eyes widen as he reads her intention. He stands, grabbing Dawn, using his body to block her view of Buffy on the crumbling tower.  
  
Pleased that he understands her so well, Buffy runs her loving glance over all her friends. They look on, confused, as they read her lips, mouthing out the words "love you. Love you all."  
  
Then with a last brilliant smile, from 50 feet above the ground, Buffy lets go of the tower, and jumps.  
  
As she jumps, the tower crumbles beneath her and around her. Despite the chaos, it feels like flying. All she can hear is the wind rushing past her ears.  
  
To the watchers below, it looks horrifying. Buffy is buffeted by the wind, and struck by the debris around her. Willow starts screaming for her friend, and buries her face in Tara's chest. Xander forces himself to look away, to look at Anya. She's awake and looking up at him from the safety of his arms. Tara focuses on Willow. Spike concentrates on the little girl whose head is buried in his chest. Dawn sobs into Spike's chest. As soon as he grabbed her, blocking her from seeing her sister, she knew that Buffy was in trouble. She can feel Spike's cold tears soaking into her hair. Only Giles watches the Slayer fall. He's the Watcher. He feels it is his duty to watch his Slayer right to the bitter end. His eyes remain clear until she hits the ground. Then the world goes black. 


	2. We All Fall Down

The world was dark. It was hard to breathe. Finally the air began to clear, and the Scoobies ventured out from under the overhang that had protected them from the rain of debris from the falling tower.  
  
As the ruin settled, coughing broke the silence. Only Spike was immune to the dust. Unfortunately, as the dust cleared, the sun's rays began to penetrate to the ground. His eyes focussed on the motionless Slayer, he ignored the sun, ignored the burning until a tiny hand pulled him back into the shade.  
  
"Spike, stay here!" Dawn hissed at him. "You want to go up in a ball of fire?"  
  
"Maybe." Spike whispered. "If... I have to know, Niblet." Even talking to Dawn, his eyes never left Buffy.  
  
Dawn finally looked away from the blond vampire to where her sister lay, dusty and quiet. Suddenly cold, she shivered. Unnoticed by her, tears began to make tracks through the dust on her face.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Spike tore his eyes away from the horrible sight in front of him to look at Dawn in shock.  
  
Opening his mouth to try and convince her she had too much to live for, he was silenced by Dawn.  
  
"Don't." Dawn took a steadying breath, her own eyes never leaving the scene in front of her. "We'll wait for Willow to tell us."  
  
Even as she spoke, Xander and Willow had cleared enough rubble to reach Buffy. Willow immediately knelt down beside the Slayer. At this, Dawn shuddered again and looked away.  
  
Dawn studied the rest of the scene, the rest of the Scoobies. Anya leaned against a tank in a relatively clear area. Xander had deposited her there before going to help Willow. Anya took deep breaths of the rapidly clearing air, and looked around as if she'd never seen anything so beautiful. Every once in a while, her eyes strayed to Xander, hovering ineffectively over Buffy, and she'd blink rapidly. Tara waited at the entrance to the path Xander and Willow cleared. She fidgeted, obviously desperate to help, but unable because of her broken hand. Giles...  
  
Dawn wrinkled her brow as she realized Giles was nowhere to be seen. She was turning to ask Spike, when she saw a vaguely human-shaped bundle to one side of the shaded nook.  
  
Spike jumped when Dawn suddenly pulled away from him. His own eyes had never left Buffy, and his ears were strained to hear anything - a breath, a gasp, a heartbeat. He almost pulled Dawn back to his side, as if she was his life preserver, before he got himself under control.  
  
He looked to see what had captured her attention, only to see her kneeling by the side of the Watcher.  
  
"Bugger," he muttered as he rushed to help Dawn with Giles.  
  
Dawn's heart was filled with fear when she saw Giles, but her hands never trembled as she reached out to turn him over.  
  
Giles had stood, strong and silent, watching Buffy tumble through the sky. When she hit the ground, he hit his knees. Then just as silently, he collapsed onto his face. In the dust and confusion, no one had noticed him lying senseless on the ground.  
  
As Dawn turned him over, filled with fear at possibly facing another death in her extended family, he moaned. She jumped back, startled, letting him thud back onto his chest.  
  
"Nice bedside manner, Niblet," Spike said, feebly trying to break the tension.  
  
"Shut up, Spike," Dawn said distractedly, not noticing how her words, her tone, caused the vampire to suck in a deep breath and look back at the Slayer.  
  
Dawn leaned forward to aid the obviously alive Watcher. "Giles, you okay?" she whispered. Her hands reached out to turn him over again, but then paused. "Giles, please answer me. I want to turn you over, but I don't want to hurt you."  
  
She was answered by another moan, and Spike went to the other side of Giles supine body.  
  
"Come on, Watcher," he joshed in his Cockney accent. "Let the girl know you are okay."  
  
"Spike, I shall let the girl know when I know, and not a moment before," came the mumbled answer.  
  
"I think he'll be fine, Niblet," Spike said dryly.  
  
Dawn kept her attention on the Watcher. If she was busy with Giles, she wasn't thinking about Buffy falling so far, hitting so hard, then not moving at all.  
  
Giles pushed himself up on his elbows and knees, gingerly testing every limb for injury. The only real injury was the spear wound he'd sustained during the attempted run for freedom. He could feel that the stitches had broken open at some point and blood was seeping through the bandage. With Dawn's help, he moved into a sitting position, leaning against the back wall of the structure that had protected them during the final collapse.  
  
"What happened?" he asked his companions.  
  
Assured that the Watcher would live, Spike turned to face the scene playing out in the pile of rubble, allowing Giles a view of the tableau.  
  
Willow still knelt by Buffy's side. Xander had stopped hovering, and sat in a clear spot near Buffy's body, his head buried in his knees. Tara had picked her way through the wreckage to stand behind Willow, hands on the redhead's shoulders in a gesture of support.  
  
"Dear lord," Giles whispered, suddenly remembering what had brought on his collapse.  
  
He felt like he was alone in the world. It seemed like everyone had faded away, all the sound a distant memory. As Buffy fell, his eyes tracked her. She seemed to fill his field of vision. Then, after an eternity, the moment of impact. Even then he didn't close his eyes. He stared, willing her to move, to twitch, any little movement to telegraph life. Nothing. Suddenly sound rushed back to him. The collapsing tower was like a roar, and a wall of dust blocked his sight of his Slayer. The world went grey, then black. No longer aware of anything, he crumpled to the ground quietly, unnoticed by anyone.  
  
Shaking his head to clear the memory, he saw Dawn and Spike watching him with concerned faces. He felt the need to reassure, them, even the vampire.  
  
"I was... I was watching. I'm the watcher, it's my job." He said defensively. His eyes stared into the distance. "No one else was watching. Willow and Tara, Xander and Anya, you two, only I watched. I had to. She'd be all alone if I didn't." He didn't noticed the silent tears on the faces of his audience, or how Dawn's tiny hand crept into his, or how Spike laid a cool, comforting hand on his shoulder. They sat silently, staring at the still tableau in front of them.  
  
Giles drew in a deep breath and looked Dawn squarely in the eyes. "It's okay, Dawn. I didn't mean to scare you. I was watching, and I ... I forgot to breathe and I passed out. I'm okay."  
  
"No, you're not. None of us are."  
  
Suddenly a siren broke the moment.  
  
Willow and Tara jumped. Xander looked up. Even Anya managed to look at Buffy without blinking rapidly.  
  
"I think we've got her stabilized." Despite the siren, Willow's exhausted voice carried to everyone.  
  
It seemed everything went from slow motion to twice the normal speed. Dawn jumped to her feet and rushed to where Willow and Tara stood swaying. Xander grabbed her before she ran right into them in a desperate attempt to get to her sister.  
  
"No, Dawn!" Xander finally shouted to keep Dawn from struggling. "Let them be. They are exhausted, and Buffy's just barely stable. They got her so she would make it to the hospital, but that's all they can do right now."  
  
"She's alive?" Dawn whispered, eyes never leaving her sister.  
  
"Oh, god," Xander moaned, finally realizing why Dawn was so panicked. "Yeah, Dawnie. She's alive. She was alive, but unconscious when we got to her. Will checked her out, you know, magically. She said Buffy was bleeding internally. She called Tara over, and they worked on her, I guess to stop the bleeding. When the siren went, Tara pulled out, and said they had to stop, they were too exhausted. But they fixed her enough that she'd make it to the hospital, that the Slayer powers could start to heal her. So she's going to be fine. Eventually."  
  
The sirens came closer and closer while Dawn assimilated the information. Her sister wasn't dead. She wasn't alone. They all came through the end of the world, again. Finally shaking herself back to reality, she could see Buffy's chest rising and falling as she breathed shallowly. Tearing her eyes away from her sister, she looked around at everyone.  
  
Willow was exhausted. She was leaning on Tara's left side, eyes closed, face ashen. Tara had her left arm around the shorter, slighter woman, and her right hand pressed to chest for support and protection.  
  
Xander was slowly making his way back to Anya. She was smiling at him, but her eyes were glassy with pain and shock.  
  
Giles had collapsed back against the wall, a stunned look on his face. He'd been sure he was watching his Slayer's last moments. Now that she was going to pull through, he felt he could breath again. He tried it, a deep breath, and grimaced in pain. The blood from the wound in his side had seeped through the bandage and was visible on his shirt. Spike was covered with blood and bruises from his fight with Doc and his own fall from the tower. He was able to move more easily every moment, thanks to his vampire healing abilities. One look at him, though, and the paramedics would drag him into an ambulance. That couldn't happen. He'd burst into flames on the gurney between the shade he stood in now and the ambulance.  
  
Dawn herself was completely uninjured. She'd been tied up and protected for the entirety of the battle. A brief instant of guilt shot through her, but she pushed it aside. It was a good thing she was unhurt and finally thinking clearly. Someone had to give all these people orders.  
  
Quickly, in a loud enough voice that everyone could hear, she started telling everyone what to do.  
  
"Okay, Buffy, Tara, Giles and Anya need to go to the hospital. Xander and Willow, I know you won't leave Tara and Anya anyway, so you go with them and keep and eye on everyone. Spike, is there a sewer entrance you can get to without frying?"  
  
Shaken from his reverie, Spike nodded and turned to face Dawn.  
  
"Okay, you should get going before the EMT's get here and try to carry you to the ambulance. We'd also better get our stories straight before the cops get here. What were we all doing here?"  
  
"Lost cat?" Willow piped up in a tiny voice.  
  
"Okay, that'll work. It's weak, but it's Sunnydale. Cops here will believe anything. Everyone got it?"  
  
Giles cleared his throat. "Dawn, you should go with Spike. It'll be less suspicious if the cops find you at home when they go to tell you of your sister's injury."  
  
Dawn looked mutinous and opened her mouth to argue, when Spike and Xander both added their agreement to Giles' suggestion.  
  
"Yeah, Dawnie, you don't need to be here."  
  
"Niblet, come on home, get changed, we'll meet them at the hospital."  
  
Shaking her head with amusement over Spike and Xander agreeing on anything, Dawn shut her mouth and walked toward Spike.  
  
"Okay, where's this sewer entrance?"  
  
Spike pulled his coat up over his head and darted from patch of shade to patch of shade until he reached a cave-like opening just beyond the gate. There he waited for Dawn to catch up.  
  
By silent agreement, they waited in the deep shadows until the ambulances had taken away their injured friends. Then they turned toward home.  
  
A few steps in, Spike realized Dawn hadn't followed him.  
  
"Dawn?" he questioned.  
  
"Um, no flashlight, can't see in the dark. Not a vampire, remember?"  
  
"Sorry, Niblet," he laughed.  
  
He reached back for her hand. To his vampire sight, she was as clear as if she stood in daylight. All she saw was a disembodied hand reaching out for her. With a little yelp, she jumped back.  
  
"Sorry, you scared me," she said sheepishly as she put her hand in his.  
  
They limped through the tunnel, Dawn occasionally stumbling in the darkness.  
  
Her voice suddenly echoed through the tunnel, causing Spike to jump this time.  
  
"We should go to your crypt first."  
  
Spike recovered from being startled, and tried to play it cool. "Why?"  
  
Despite his quick recovery, Dawn noticed and had to smother her giggles before she could answer.  
  
"You...you need blood to speed up the healing, and a change of clothes. You'll look pretty suspicious covered in bloody clothes."  
  
"When did you get so smart, Niblet? I really don't want to be your sister when you start sneaking out to see your boyfriend."  
  
"You think I didn't learn a few things, watching Buffy fool mom about the slaying and Angel for so many years? I used to go into Buffy's closet when she was out. She had a hiding spot under the floorboards where she put her slaying supplies, and any clothes that got wrecked. I used to try on some of the stuff that wasn't too nasty. You know, the stuff with just a little bloody, or ripped. She'd hide the clothes until Mom was out, then she'd smuggle them into the neighbours trash. I knew about the slaying like, years before Mom. It's a good thing Mom never read my diaries. She'd find out more about Buffy..." Dawn trailed off, a confused and sorrowful look on her face.  
  
"What's wrong, Niblet?"  
  
"It's confusing. Mom couldn't read my diaries, 'cause they didn't exist. But I'm here now, and they were here, so they must have existed." Dawn was silent for a moment. "I wish I didn't burn my diaries," she said in a small voice. "I keep looking for them, trying to prove that the stuff we remember really happened. Trying to prove that I really happened."  
  
They trudged silently towards the door that marked Spike's crypt.  
  
"What am I now?" Dawn asked, as Spike fumbled for the key.  
  
"Huh?" Spike asked, dropping the key and facing Dawn.  
  
"Well, I was Dawn. But I was the key. But now the door is gone, kinda, so am I still a key? Am I still going to have crazy people come up to me and say I'm all green and glowy?" Dawn was panicking now, at the thought of having to protect herself forever.  
  
"Calm down, Dawn!" Spike took the hyperventilating girl back in his arms. When she finally started breathing normally, he released her. He took a moment to open the door to his crypt. In the dim light from the open door, he looked at her and sighed.  
  
"I don't know, Dawn. I don't know the answers to those questions. But they are important questions. When Giles starts feeling better, ask him. He'll heal that much faster with a project to work on."  
  
Dawn finally laughed weakly. "I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. I mean, we only saved the world, like, an hour ago. We do need a bit of a rest and recovery before the next big catastrophe."  
  
Spike hurried into the crypt, heading directly for the fridge. Using his vampire abilities always left him starving. Dawn was right - without blood he wasn't good for much of anything right now.  
  
He drained two plastic bags from the blood bank before he felt enough like himself to check out his clothes. He grimaced as he took in the ripped shirt and jeans. Thinking back to the fight, his eyes widened. Hurriedly, he pulled off his leather duster.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
Dawn hurried up to Spike, grabbing a stake from a pile near the door on the way.  
  
"Spike! What's wrong?" she exclaimed.  
  
"Bugger all! That damned ass!" Spike held up the coat. "That poxy pillock of a demon sliced my coat!"  
  
Dawn couldn't help it. All the stress and fear and overwhelming panic finally got to her. She slid to the floor, laughing, hiccupping, crying, and plainly having hysterics.  
  
Spike tried to comfort her. He tried joshing her back into sanity, he tried rubbing her back, he tried yelling at her, and he even tried slapping her, gently of course. Finally, he just left her where she lay. He quietly changed, poking his head out every once in a while to look at her worriedly.  
  
By the time he was dressed and ready to go, Dawn was calming down.  
  
"Sorry Spike. I just..."  
  
"It got too much for you, I guess. You feel better now?" Spike asked matter of factly.  
  
"Yeah." Dawn paused. "There's still so much to figure out, but I think I can hold it together now."  
  
"That's good, 'bit. Cause we really need to get to the Summers' homestead before the cops show up.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The ambulances pulled up to the emergency doors of the hospital. Anya and Giles were in the first, Tara and Willow in the second. Buffy had her own ambulance. One look at her and the paramedics immediately set to work. Their frantic calling made Xander nervous. Just as they finally got her loaded and en route to the hospital, the first of the cop cars arrived.  
  
Xander was staring after the departing ambulances with a lost look on his face. A female officer came up to him and laid a gentle hand on his arm. He was totally unaware of her approach, and jumped and screamed when she touched him.  
  
"It's okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she soothed.  
  
"Um, sorry," Xander said, shamefaced. "I didn't hear you come up."  
  
Opening her mouth to question him about the unusual events, the cop watched as his eyes left her face and gazed wistfully after the departing ambulances. "Your friend in there?"  
  
"My friends are in all of the ambulances that pulled out." Suddenly putting his attention back on the cop, he pleaded. "Please, can you just take me to the hospital? I need to find out how they are doing. I'll answer any questions you have there."  
  
Looking into the desperate eyes of the attractive young man, the cop acquiesced immediately. "Sure, hop in the car. I'll just tell my partner where I'm going."  
  
The ride to the hospital was silent. Officer Tavish, as she'd introduced herself, seemed to know that Xander wouldn't be useful for questioning until he was sure his friends were okay. With the sirens blaring and the engine racing, they pulled up just as they were unloading Buffy.  
  
Xander ran inside the wide doors, looking around wildly for his friends.  
  
"Mr. Harris?"  
  
Xander spun when he heard his name. A nurse stood nearby, looking at him with a quizzical face.  
  
"Huh? I mean, yeah, I'm Xander Harris."  
  
"Your friend Willow said that you'd be along shortly. She and her friend are right through here." The nurse led him to a curtained off cubicle.  
  
Willow slumped in a chair beside the gurney Tara was on. She looked really rough, with a pale face and tight lines of exhaustion around her mouth.  
  
Xander gently placed his hand on her shoulder, quietly calling her name to warn her of his arrival.  
  
She didn't jump when he touched her, but he got the feeling she was surprised. She was just too tired from trying to heal Buffy to be startled.  
  
Willow slowly lifted her head up to meet Xander's eyes. She gave him a small smile, then returned to her perusal of her lover's sleeping form.  
  
"How is she, Will?"  
  
"She'll be fine. She's back to herself again. They gave her something to knock her out while they reset her hand. The doctor was really unimpressed when he saw that she'd removed the cast. She'll have to stay overnight for observation, but at least she won't have to be in the psych ward this time."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
Willow held up her hand. An IV was sticking out of it. "I looked so bad they put me on IV fluids. It's good though, I can stay with Tara this way. They are trying to get a semi-private room for Tara, Anya and I. We'll head up together once Tara's hand gets set."  
  
At the sound of his fiancée's name, Xander dropped his hand and started edging for the door. "I ... uh, I need to check on everybody else, too. I'll be back soon, okay?"  
  
Willow finally gave him a full grin as she took in his desperation to get to Anya.  
  
"She's in the cubicle right beside us. Giles is on the other side of her." Willow's face fell as she whispered, "I don't know where they took Buffy."  
  
"She'll be fine, Will. You and Tara made sure that she'd be fine. Don't worry about anything but yourself and Tara right now, 'kay?"  
  
"'Kay."  
  
Xander darted away, and into the next cubicle. Anya sat upright on the gurney, complaining to the doctor about the light he was shining in her eyes.  
  
"Listen, my head hurts, all I want to do is sleep, why do you keep asking me silly questions like what's today's date and who is the president, and shining that horrible bright light in my eyes?"  
  
"Anya," Xander breathed, his relief apparent in eyes and voice.  
  
"Xander, make this man go away and let me sleep," Anya pouted, looking at Xander.  
  
Xander smiled at her reassuringly, then turned worried eyes to the doctor. "How is she?"  
  
Thankful to be dealing with a sensible person, the doctor directed his comments to Xander. "She'll be fine. I suspect she has a concussion. She answered all the neurological testing questions correctly, except she told me she was a thousand years old. However, her eyes are dilating at the normal rate, so it's a pretty mild head injury. I'd like to keep her overnight just to be on the safe side. I understand there were several other people who came in from the same accident site. Would it be okay if I put her in a room with a couple of other patients? Does she know Ms. Rosenberg and Ms. McLay?"  
  
"Yeah, they're friends of ours. Put them all together. Um, it's just for the one night, right?" When the doctor nodded an affirmative, Xander breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, they can stand that much togetherness."  
  
The doctor left to verify the arrangement, and Xander turned to Anya.  
  
"How are you, An?"  
  
"My head hurts and I want to go home, "Anya said in a small voice.  
  
"I know", Xander said, moving towards the frightened girl and putting a comforting arm around his shoulders. "But you have to stay here tonight. I need you to look after Willow and Tara while I find out how Giles and Buffy are. Besides, as long as you are here, I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Anya gave Xander a tremulous smile. "The world didn't end, did it?"  
  
"No, honey, it didn't."  
  
"We're getting married, 'cause the world didn't end."  
  
"Yep, we're getting married."  
  
"I want my ring!" Anya cried, holding her hands out.  
  
Xander laughed. He always knew they'd save the world, so he'd carried the ring with him into the battle. He'd known Anya would ask for it sooner or later. He pulled out the box from his pants pocket, opened it and reverently slipped the symbol of their love onto her finger.  
  
Anya pulled her hand back and held it up to admire the ring. "It is beautiful. An appropriate and traditional symbol," she said seriously.  
  
Xander smiled. "Glad you approve." The nurse entered with a wheelchair to take Anya upstairs to her room. Anya held her hand out, wiggling the fingers to catch the nurse's eye.  
  
"Look! I am wearing a diamond engagement ring! That means I'm going to be married soon. Then we will buy a house and have small, pink babies." Xander grinned to himself as the nurse pushed the wheelchair away.  
  
Certain that Anya was going to fine, Xander opened the next curtain. Giles lay on a gurney on his side, grimacing in pain as a doctor re-closed the spear wound he'd torn open.  
  
Xander's face paled. That was really gross. He muttered an apology and waited outside the curtain for the doctor to finish. As he waited, Tara and Willow went by in matching wheelchairs on the way upstairs. He told them about proposing to Anya, warning them about her overwhelming excitement and pride in her new ring. They squealed in delight, anxious now to get upstairs and start planning the wedding.  
  
Finally the doctor exited the curtained area, leaving Giles alone. Xander hesitantly ventured back into the small space.  
  
"How ya feeling, G-man?" Xander questioned.  
  
"Fine, Xander," Giles sighed. "How is Buffy?" The health and well being of the Slayer was the only thing on his mind.  
  
Xander flushed. "I ... don't know anything yet. I've been finding out about you guys. This nurse told me that you were all over here," he babbled.  
  
"There's nothing to feel guilty about," Giles comforted. "Buffy's strong. She'll be fine, I'm sure. It's probably best to let the doctors work on her without our pestering anyway."  
  
Xander still felt guilty, but passed on the information he did know. "The girls are all upstairs, just overnight. They are all in one room together. And, uh...Anya and I are engaged, so the girls are pretty well occupied with that."  
  
Giles looked at his young friend in surprise. "Engaged? Congratulations!"  
  
The younger man smiled sheepishly. "I asked her before we left last night. She ... she slapped me. She thought I was trying to be all tragic and romantic because I thought we were going to die and I wouldn't have to go through with it. Then I explained I was asking 'cause I was sure we weren't going to die, and she thought that was really romantic, so she said yes, then she said wait 'til after. 'Give it to me when the world doesn't end," she said. So, just a minute ago, as soon as she parsed through the fact that the world didn't end, she demanded her ring."  
  
"That sounds like Anya," Giles said dryly.  
  
The men sat silently for a moment before Xander shook himself free from his pleasant musings about his fiancée. "So, G-man, what did the doctor tell you?"  
  
"That I needed to stay overnight for observation. I imagine I'll be upstairs near the girls," he sighed. "He also mentioned that they had a number of casualties come in from the accident. It seems that a few of Glory's brain sucking victims were injured in the collapse. They seem to have had a miraculous recovery from their psychological problems, however."  
  
"So killing Glory gave everyone their brains back, eh?" Xander commented.  
  
Giles' head shot up and he caught Xander's eyes. "Did Buffy... I mean, did you see..." he trailed off.  
  
"Yeah, Giles, I saw it. Buffy beat Glory, and then she deliberately killed Ben."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
After another dash through the sunshine, Dawn and Spike finally arrived at the Summers' home. He glanced at the clock in the hallway. "Okay, 'bit, it's 5:56 am. We need to give the cops a convincing show. You go do a quick wash up and change into your pjs and crawl into bed. Make it look like you just woke up. I'll set up down here."  
  
Dawn simply looked at the blond vampire, a look of utter confusion on her face.  
  
Spike sighed. "Look, Dawn we were all here, hanging out, watching movies or something, right? Then you notice your cat is missing. You freak out, you won't go to bed without your kitty. So you send everyone out to look for her. I stay behind to look after you, keep an eye open in case the kitty comes back. I finally get you to go to bed, and I fall asleep down here. Neither of us have any idea what happened to Buffy and the Scoobies, right? So the house has to look like we were hanging out. Right now, it's too clean. And you have to look like you just woke up, but you are worried about your kitty, so you look upset and worried. So you need to be less dusty, more mussed up, and your bed needs to be slept in."  
  
"And you implied I had a knack for coming up with good covering stories," she complained as she headed upstairs to carry out his orders.  
  
"Hurry up, 'bit, it won't be long 'til the cops get here to tell us their version of what happened."  
  
Spike headed into the kitchen, grabbed bags of chips and opened them directly into the garbage can. He grabbed a couple of handfuls of the salty, oily snacks and ran back to scatter them lightly around the living room. On his next run into the kitchen, he gathered up a six-pack of Coke, with a couple of diet sodas for good measure. He'd never been in a mixed gender group where most of the girls weren't drinking diet pop. Even among his vampire acquaintances, the female vamps tended to bite the slim victims. As if a fat person had fattening blood, he scoffed mentally. Most of the pop he emptied down the sink, but he left a couple half-full, carrying them into the living room and placing them on convenient tables. Finally, he grabbed an afghan from the back of the couch, and laid down under it, trying to look as if he'd been sleeping.  
  
Upstairs, Dawn quickly washed the surface dust off her face and arms. She quickly stripped out of the medieval style dress Glory had forced her to wear, and, carrying it gingerly between two fingers, threw it into the hamper, piling other clothes on it so she didn't have to see it again. She looked longingly at the shower, but if she was supposed to be asleep, she couldn't very well have wet hair. Instead she settled for brushing the dust out. Grabbing a robe from the back of the door, she headed back to her room to get into her pyjamas. Flipping the covers back on her bed, she laid down and covered herself up, trying to look as if she'd been sleeping.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Giles was settling in his room while Xander was getting frustrated, trying to convince the nurses to give him information about Buffy's condition. The nurse at the emergency desk first refused to give him any information at all, claiming they could only release information on a patient to the patient's family.  
  
"As soon as we get in touch with Miss Summers' mother, we'll ask her if we can tell you."  
  
Xander grimaced. "I'm afraid Miss Summers' emergency contact information must be out of date; Joyce died about a month ago. Look, ma'am, all of my friends are in various rooms of this hospital. I just need to find out where Buffy is so I can tell her little sister." Xander trailed off when the nurse continued to shake her head.  
  
A gentle hand rested comfortingly on his shoulder. "Tell the guy what he wants to know." Officer Tavish ordered softly.  
  
A mutinous look on her face, the nurse turned to the computer, muttering about rules and troublemakers. "I'm afraid there's not a lot I can tell you." She waved a hand to silence Xander, who was opening his mouth to argue with her. She turned the monitor so he could see the screen himself. "Here, this means that she arrived unconscious, with injuries consistent with a fall. She was intubated to help her breathe, and they took CAT scans to see if there was any brain injury." The nurse's voice died off as she read the last line of the chart before translating it for Xander. "They found serious bleeding and injury to her brain. She's in surgery right now, with Dr. Kriegel, the neurosurgeon on staff."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Spike, too tense to keep lying on the sofa, was about to get up and check on Dawn when a light tap at the door made him freeze. He bolted for the door, about the fling it open when he remembered he was supposed to have been asleep. He forced himself to wait for a second tap before opening the door with a yawn.  
  
Two cops stood on the front porch, looking uncomfortable. "Is this the Summers' residence?" the taller of the two asked.  
  
"Yeah," Spike said. He figured the fewer words he spoke the better. Lies always were most believable without too many details.  
  
"Are you Mr. Summers'" the cop questioned.  
  
"No, I'm just the babysitter, mate."  
  
The cop looked concerned. Spike's appearance and cocky attitude didn't jive with the word 'babysitter' in this man's mind.  
  
Spike read the cop's disbelief, and quickly back-pedalled. "We were all over here, watching movies and relaxing, and the Sl...Buffy's kid sister realized her cat was missing. The kid gets all worked up, and nothing would help but for everyone to go out looking for this cat. Buffy asked me to stay with Dawn, 'cause the kid's upset, and it's late, while they look for the cat."  
  
"Why you?" the cop challenged, obviously very confused.  
  
Spike used all his acting skills to look injured and sheepish. "I, uh, I got in a fight a few days ago. I'm limping and slow. They figured wouldn't be much use out there, trying to catch a cat." Looking at them sideways, Spike saw the cops exchange a glance. The shorter officer shrugged, apparently choosing to accept Spike's story. The vampire was glad he didn't need to breathe. A huge sigh of relief would have given the game away.  
  
"May we come in?" the short cop asked politely.  
  
In answer, Spike simply opened the door a little wider. The cops pushed past him, into the living room. Spike was glad he'd taken the time to make it look like a party had gone on the night before.  
  
"Is something wrong, officers? Did something happen last night?" Spike asked, trying to play the part of the uninformed and worried friend.  
  
The cops again exchanged at speaking glance. Spike was rapidly getting tired of these looks, and was tempted to ask if they wanted to get a room. Of course, that probably wouldn't make the cops any friendlier.  
  
Eventually the shorter cop turned back to Spike. He was obviously the more friendly and considerate of the two. "I don't mean to pry, but...why did the girl need a babysitter? I mean, where are her folks?"  
  
Spike sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "The girls' dad split years ago, before they even moved to Sunnydale. I've never seen him around or heard that he's been to visit, so I'm guessing he's not real involved in their lives. And Joyce, ... she passed away real suddenly last month."  
  
The cop's mouth turned downward into a frown. Whether it was a frown of disapproval or sympathy, Spike couldn't tell.  
  
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir, but there was an accident last night. An industrial accident at a warehouse not far from here. I'm afraid Miss Summers was hurt pretty badly, along with several others. I don't know if they are your friends or not, but since no one came back last night," the cop paused for Spike's nod of agreement, "I'm assuming they are."  
  
"Is Buffy ... I mean, is everyone okay?" Spike asked, his voice cracking.  
  
"I'm afraid we don't have very much information yet. There are officers on the scene now, trying to figure out what happened. I do know that everyone at the scene was taken to Sunnydale General. You are more likely to find answers there. I'm very sorry, sir."  
  
Bad news delivered, the cops turned to leave. They had other houses to visit, other bad news to break. This was first on the list, because Buffy was in the most serious condition of all of the surviving victims. If the worst happened, hopefully her family would have time to say goodbye. On impulse, the shorter cop turned around again on his way out the door. "Tell the little girl we're sorry," he requested softly.  
  
Spike watched the cop car pull away from the curb, then turned to go upstairs to get Dawn. She was standing right behind him, having crept down the stairs as soon as she heard the cops leave.  
  
"Bloody hell, you scared me 'bit!" Spike yelped.  
  
A small grin crossed Dawn's features. It was pretty heady stuff, scaring a vampire. The smile didn't last long, however, as she asked worriedly, "what did they say?"  
  
"Just that there had been an accident, that Buffy had been hurt. They weren't sure about anyone's relationship yet, so they haven't had time to interview anybody, or they are just too low on the totem pole to be told." Spike ran a hand through his hair, a common nervous gesture for the vampire. "They said we should go to the hospital, Niblet," he told her softly.  
  
Dawn gasped quietly. The fear of possibly losing her sister hit her again, like the force of Olaf's Troll Hammer. Spike rushed to comfort her.  
  
"Don't forget, your sister is the Slayer," he stressed. "I'm sure to the cops, her injuries look a lot worse than they really are. Glinda and Red got her stable, they said so. Stable enough that the Slayer powers could kick in and start healing her. She'll be fine, Dawn. The cops, they're just playing it safe."  
  
"Please, can we go to the hospital now?" Dawn begged in a tiny voice.  
  
After a quick dash back to the sewer, Spike again found himself moving through the familiar darkness. At least this time Dawn had a flashlight, so she wasn't stumbling around blind, and he had a blanket, so the dash through the sun was quite as painful. The sewer had an exit right within the hospital building itself, so he didn't have to face the morning sun again.  
  
All too soon they found themselves at the hospital. Despite the flashlight, at some point during the trek, Dawn's tiny hand had found it's way into Spike's. They both needed that comfort right now.  
  
Once inside the hospital, Spike and Dawn made their way to the emergency ward, looking around for any sign of their friends on the way. They finally found Xander, sitting with a female cop, looking very lost and scared.  
  
"Xander," Dawn called.  
  
The young man jumped to his feet and pulled Dawn into a hug. "You okay, Dawnie? Hey Spike, everything go okay?"  
  
"No problem at home, but it sounds like you had a bad night," Spike replied, trying to keep up appearances for the officer avidly watching the exchange.  
  
"What? Oh, yeah, the worst," Xander sighed, suddenly realizing they were surrounded by curious onlookers.  
  
Uncaring of appearances, Dawn asked the question on everyone's mind.  
  
"How's Buffy?" 


	3. A Waiting Game

The emergency waiting room bustled with activity. Crying children and worried families formed multiple small groups while busy nurses moved rapidly and purposefully, taking information and offering comfort.  
  
One small group was quite different from the rest. The trio stood stock- still, silent, with two of the peoples' attentions focussed on the third. He looked quite uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot and opening his mouth as if to speak, only to close it as if he didn't know how to start.  
  
"Is she still ... I mean, she's still okay, right?" the young brunette whispered.  
  
The focus of their attention finally spoke. "Look, guys, I don't know that much yet," he put up a hand to forestall their questions, "but I think it'd be best, easiest for all of us if I went over what I did know with everyone at once."  
  
Finally aware of the room around them, Spike and Dawn looked around curiously. "Where is everyone?" Dawn asked.  
  
"They all get to stay overnight. The girls are in one room and Giles is just across the hall. If we head up now, we can catch them before they start serving breakfast." At this reminder of food, Dawn's stomach growled.  
  
Xander smiled weakly. "Let's head up. Maybe we can convince them to share."  
  
The three turned to head upstairs, only to be stopped in their tracks by a quiet female voice. "Mind if I tag along?"  
  
Xander, Spike and Dawn spun to face a smiling police officer. Xander flushed. He'd totally forgotten about Officer Tavish. When they found out about Buffy's condition, she'd understood that he couldn't answer questions just yet, and sat beside him, a strong, silent, comforting presence.  
  
"Sorry, Officer Tavish, I didn't mean to forget about you," Xander said sheepishly. He quickly introduced her to Dawn and Spike.  
  
"I hope you don't mind if I come up with you. I thought it'd be best if I got your statements and got out of your way." Xander and Dawn hastened to assure her that she was welcome to join them. Spike stayed silent, reserving judgement on this stranger in their midst.  
  
Once upstairs, the group split up. Xander and Officer Tavish went in one door to collect Giles, while Spike and Dawn went into Willow, Tara and Anya's room. The three girls were chattering happily. As soon as Dawn and Spike entered, however, Anya broke off her chatting to wave her ring finger at the newcomers.  
  
"Look at my pretty diamond engagement ring!" she shrieked. "Xander and I are getting married!" Dawn immediately joined in with the happy chatter, leaving Spike to lean against the shadowed wall, rolling his eyes.  
  
In a few moments, Xander and Officer Tavish returned, pushing Giles in a wheelchair. Xander introduced Officer Tavish around as Dawn ran over to hug Giles.  
  
"The redhead is Willow," he pointed each person out as he named them to Officer Tavish, "the blond in the middle bed is Tara, you met Giles, Dawn and Spike, and the brunette is my girlfriend, Anya."  
  
"Fiancée," Anya cried, staring furiously at the pretty police officer next to Xander.  
  
"Yeah, sorry An, fiancée. It just happened a little while ago," he explained to Officer Tavish. "Everyone, this is Officer Tavish. She drove me over here and helped me find out about Buffy."  
  
At the sound of Buffy's name, the room went silent in expectation. Every face was turned in Xander's direction. Uncomfortable with the attention and the bad news he had to share, Xander babbled on about Officer Tavish. "She needs to get statements from all of us about what happened last night. She needs to know what happened and why we were out there and that kind of stuff. Just like Law and Order." Xander finally trailed off.  
  
"I uh, guess you want to know about Buffy, right?" Six sets of anxious eyes bored into his. Officer Tavish laid a comforting hand on his arm, causing Anya's eyes to narrow in anger. "Officer Tavish made the nurse give me the information. The nurse didn't want to, you know, 'cause I'm not family, but..."  
  
"Xander!" Giles broke into the young man's rambling. "Please just tell us about Buffy."  
  
Xander moved to Anya's bedside, grabbing her hand like a life preserver. Anya shot a victorious glance at the police officer, who looked bemused.  
  
"The nurse was able to tell me she was still unconscious when she arrived. They are treating her for 'injuries consistent with a fall'. She was intubated to help her breathe, and they took CAT scans to see if there was any brain injury." Xander took a deep breath, studiously avoiding everyone's eyes. "They found serious bleeding in her brain. They took her into surgery. As far as I know, she's still there. I told them to send someone up here for me when Dr. Kriegel was finished."  
  
Dawn gasped, and tears filled her eyes. "Dr. Kriegel, that was Mom's doctor."  
  
"Yeah, I know Dawn. He's the neurologist on staff. The nurse said something about needing to relieve the pressure. The good news is that none of the other injuries seem to be life threatening."  
  
Spike spoke up for the first time since he entered the room. "But the brain injury is?"  
  
"What?" Xander asked distractedly.  
  
"They told you the brain injury is life threatening?" he repeated, ignoring the increasing volume of Dawn's sobbing.  
  
"I don't know, Spike!" Xander roared. "They didn't want to tell me anything! I'm assuming that if they took her surgery so fast, it's pretty bad, but I don't know! I don't know anything," he whispered.  
  
The room was silent except for Dawn's hiccupping sobs. The young girl threw herself into Willow's arms, and they sobbed together. Xander closed his eyes and leaned back, while Giles pushed his glasses further up his nose in a vain attempt to hide his tears. Tara looked like she was going to jump out of bed at any moment, desperate to console Willow and Dawn, while Anya simply clung to Xander's hand. Spike and the police officer stood where they were, seemingly unmoved by the unfolding tragedy.  
  
Xander tipped his head forward, and eyed the blond vampire with dislike. "Don't you even care?" he challenged. "Aren't you supposed to be in love with her?"  
  
Spike opened his mouth to give the whelp a piece of his mind, but before he had a chance to, Dawn's voice overrode him.  
  
"Xander, don't," she said, voice clogged with exhaustion and tears. "He cares, I know. We all care. We're all scared. We're just handling it differently. We don't all have to scream and cry. That would get boring," Dawn joked feebly.  
  
As if Dawn's voice had broken some dam loose inside him, Spike slid down the wall to the cold floor of the hospital room, even paler than usual. His eyes were glassy with tears and focussed a million miles away. Dawn pulled out of Willow's grasp to go to him, pulling his unresisting head to her shoulder, crooning to him while he cried.  
  
At that sight, even Xander was ashamed of his treatment of Spike. Willow turned cold angry eyes on her friend, only softening when she saw he felt guilty enough.  
  
Officer Tavish cleared her throat. She was extremely uncomfortable. These people had a very deep bond, and it was strange to watch them in their deepest sorrow and fear. She just wanted to get her statements and get out. "I'm really sorry to bother you, but I'm sure you want to be together, with no cops interfering. If I can have five minutes with each of you, alone, I'll be able to be on my way. I was thinking I'd take each of you into the hall, get your statements and get out of your way, if that's okay?" she asked tentatively.  
  
"The hall's not very private, Officer. Go into my room. I'll wait here with everyone else," Giles offered.  
  
She smiled at him in thanks. "Okay, who wants to be first?"  
  
Xander volunteered. "I'll go. You did have to follow me around all morning, so it's only fair I answer your questions now."  
  
Officer Tavish held the door for Xander, who preceded her into Giles' private room. "How do we do this?" he questioned uncomfortably.  
  
"Just get comfortable," she said, pointing at a chair. "All I want is a summary of what happened in your own words."  
  
"I don't really know where to start."  
  
"Let's start at the beginning. Why were you out there last night?"  
  
"We were all at Buffy's, the Summers' residence, I mean. We were watching movies and just hanging out. We're all friends, you know."  
  
"Even the blond guy, Spike?" the officer questioned shrewdly. "I got the impression you were less than friendly towards him."  
  
Xander blushed. "Yeah, well, he's been around a lot lately. Like since Joyce... got sick. More since she passed away. Sometimes I wonder if he's taking advantage, you know, 'cause Buffy and Dawn are kinda vulnerable right now."  
  
'Slight case of jealousy,' the officer noted mentally, nodding to encourage Xander to continue.  
  
"Anyway, Dawnie came down, really upset. It was late, Buffy'd sent her to bed a bit before. We were starting to think about heading out when Dawn came back. She said her cat was missing. First we checked the house, but the cat wasn't around, and Dawn was really upset, so Buffy asked if we minded helping look for the cat. I think she was kind of frustrated. Spike stayed at the house to look after Dawn," Xander sneered, "and the rest of us went out. We stayed fairly close together. Sunnydale isn't really ... it doesn't have a good reputation after dark. We figured there were enough of us nothing would happen.  
  
"There's this construction site nearby. Buffy headed straight there. Apparently the cat hangs out there a lot. There were a fair number of people there already. We asked what was going on, and somebody said that the tower was creaking and bending in the wind. We all just kinda stood and watched. Pretty dumb, now that I think about it." Xander said deprecatingly.  
  
"Anyway, suddenly Buffy jumps away from us. She, like, runs towards the tower. I guess she saw the cat up there. Sometimes Buffy just does stuff, she doesn't really think it through, you know? She climbed up the tower a little ways. We were calling to her, trying to get her to come back. She ignored us, I don't know what she was looking at, but I guess it was important. She finally turned around and smiled at us. She was on her way down when there was this huge cracking sound. Everything just started falling apart. We all pushed under cover, or tried to. I remember grabbing Anya when something hit her. I was too busy trying to keep from getting hit myself to pay attention to what was happening to everyone else. I'm sorry I wasn't more help," Xander finished lamely.  
  
"No, no, that was great. It sounds like you did a good job of trying to keep everyone safe. It really seems like it was just an accident. Bad luck, wrong place at the wrong time and all that." Officer Tavish trailed off. "I'm really sorry about your friends, especially Buffy. I hope she's okay."  
  
"Yeah, us too."  
  
In the other room, it was deadly silent. Spike was listening hard to the conversation across the hall. When it sounded like it was winding up, he told the others what Xander said, making sure everyone had their stories straight, just before Xander and Officer Tavish came back in the room.  
  
"Ms. Rosenberg, are you well enough to speak to me now?" the officer queried.  
  
"Umm, yeah, sure," Willow stuttered. "Please, just call me Willow. Xander, can you pass me that extra hospital robe," Willow muttered, trying to get out of bed without being immodest, a near-impossible feat in a hospital gown.  
  
Finally feeling covered, Willow grabbed her IV pole and slowly trudged across the hall. She told the agreed upon story in her own words, concentrating on where she and Tara had been. She added that she saw Buffy try to jump free of the crumbling tower, rather than just falling. She also mentioned that she and Xander had cleared a path to Buffy to try and give her first aid before the ambulances arrived.  
  
"It sounds like you really kept your head. I'd be glad to have you around in a crisis," the officer smiled.  
  
Willow smiled back, then turned to go.  
  
"Just one more question, Willow, for my own edification. What's the cat's name?"  
  
Willow stuttered. "Well, it's kind of silly. Dawnie named her when she was only eight or something. It's, umm, it's .... Miss Kitty Fantastico."  
  
Spike looked at the wall in disbelief. Dawn pulled on his sleeve, trying to get his attention.  
  
"What? Did she make is mistake?" Dawn hissed urgently.  
  
"No, it's just,... the cop asked the cat's name." Spike muttered confusedly. "And, out of nowhere, Red came up with Miss Kitty Fantastico." Everyone shared a confused, yet humour-filled glance.  
  
"That's Willow," Xander said. "Always cool under pressure."  
  
Tara went next, tucked into a wheelchair by Willow. So happy to have Tara back and whole, Willow was treating her like fine porcelain.  
  
Officer Tavish didn't ask any other questions of Tara, merely raising her eyebrows when Tara accidentally slipped and called Willow 'baby'.  
  
'So that's how it is,' the cop thought.  
  
Anya went next, carried across the hall by a solicitous Xander. He felt very guilty for letting her get hit on the head by bricks, and for forgetting they were engaged. He'd seen the dagger-filled looks Anya had been sending the attractive officer's way, and figured a little pampering would make everyone's life easier in the long run.  
  
Much to everyone's relief, Officer Tavish didn't ask Anya any extra question either. She seemed to be able to tell that the core group was Willow, Xander, Buffy, and Giles. She did score some points with Anya when she politely asked to see the new engagement ring and congratulated her on the forthcoming nuptials.  
  
When Anya came back, Spike started to clamber to his feet. "What's wrong?" the officer asked.  
  
"I figured you'd want me next," Spike explained. "No point taking Rupert back to his room only to bring him back here."  
  
"I wasn't planning on talking to you or Dawn," Officer Tavish explained, brow wrinkled. "I mean, you weren't even there, were you?"  
  
"Oh! No, I was home. I guess I wouldn't be much use," Spike said, trying to act sheepish but feeling very foolish.  
  
"Mr. Giles, if you are ready to return to your room, I'll talk to you and head off. Thanks for your time, everyone."  
  
After a chorus of good-byes, the officer wheeled Giles across the hall and helped him back into bed.  
  
Giles told his version of the events, with a bit more attention paid to where Buffy was and what she was doing than any of the other narratives.  
  
Officer Tavish was silent a moment when he finished. "Mr. Giles, I don't mean to imply anything, but I have to ask; why are you hanging around with a bunch of twenty-year olds?"  
  
Giles thought fast. "I've known Buffy, Willow and Xander since they were in high school. I was the librarian. I didn't have any regular classes or regular students, so I had a unique opportunity to watch all of the students. Regrettably, Buffy, Willow and Xander were outcasts. Buffy was, still is, quite impetuous, causing many, including many of the teachers, to look at her as a bit of a hoodlum. She has a good heart, however. Willow was a 'nerd' is the term, I believe. Xander, well, Xander was always a bit of a goof. He used sarcasm to keep others away. The three of them teamed up for mutual support, and one of the places they hung out was the library. I came to enjoy their unusual brand of humour and way of looking at the world." Giles took off his glasses, and looked the officer right in the eye. "As a foreigner, I have no family and few friends here. I look at those young people as my family. I have been lucky enough that they include me in their lives, making this lonely life a little happier, a little brighter. If that makes me a pervert, or immature, or trying to relive my youth, or whatever you are imagining, that's what I am."  
  
Officer Tavish had the grace to look embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Giles. It just seemed...odd. I apologize. Thank you for your time, your explanation of events I'm sure will help us reconstruct the accident. I do hope Buffy recovers fully and soon. From what you've all said about her, I have no doubt she'll pull through this operation with no problems." With that, Officer Tavish flipped her notebook shut and swept out of the room.  
  
In the other room, Willow, and Tara, Xander and Anya were wrapped up in quiet, romantic affirmations to one another. Dawn sat quietly beside Spike, exhausted from the events of the previous night, and worn out with crying. She laid her head on his shoulder and drifted off to sleep.  
  
Spike pondered what he'd heard the Watcher say about his relationship with the people in this room, and the person currently undergoing surgery. Though Giles had left a lot out, particularly his role as mentor and guide to Buffy, the explanation he'd given the cop had a ring of truth to it. Surprised, Spike realized he felt a lot of sympathy for the Watcher. I had to be a very lonely life.  
  
A nurse poked her head in the door. "Are you the family of Buffy Summers?" she asked. "Dr. Kriegel is just washing up. He'll be up to speak to all of you in a moment."  
  
Silence descended on the room once more. 


	4. To Sleep

The tapping of hard soled men's shoes echoed down the hallway, despite the ever-present sounds of a hospital at work. Patients cried from pain and fear, monitors beeped, a wheel squeaked as a volunteer delivered meals. Behind the closed door of one room, however, it was silent. An unnatural stillness filled the air, smothering the numerous occupants.  
  
Tara and Anya remained in the hospitals they'd been assigned. As soon as the nurse had warned them Buffy's doctor's eminent arrival, Willow had bolted from her bed to Tara's. The two women were huddled together on the tiny bed for comfort.  
  
Xander was now perched on the side of Anya's bed, one arm around her shoulders, with the fingers of his other hand entangled with hers. He'd gone to help Giles back into the wheelchair and bring him to the girls' room as soon as they'd been warned that the doctor was coming.  
  
Dawn sat bolt upright in one of the vistors' chairs. She'd pulled it into a corner of the room. Her eyes were fixated on Spike.  
  
The vampire paced the length of the room, fingers fiddling with his lighter. He'd never felt so helpless and weak. He desperately wanted to kill something, just to prove he still had control over something. Even when Drusilla was so fragile, needing him to hunt for her and protect her, he hadn't been so scared, and he'd been worried about her every time he left her alone. This crushing fear in his chest was paralysing.  
  
The footsteps continued past the room, and everyone heaved a sigh of relief. As much as they wanted to know Buffy's condition, they were terrified to find out.  
  
Spike suddenly hissed for silence. Only his enhanced hearing had caught the sound of the footsteps pausing, then returning to the closed door of the hospital room.  
  
The door opened slowly and a familiar man entered. After a quick glance, no one was able to look him in the eye. Spike turned his back on the man and deliberately walked to the chair pulled alongside Dawn's. He'd intended to sit down gently, to be strong for the young girl, but once again his control slipped, and he collapsed into the chair. Dawn grabbed his arm with a strength that made even the vampire wince.  
  
"Hello everyone," Dr. Kriegel said sombrely. His eyes ranged over the assembled group. "I know most of you by face, if not by name. Hello, Dawn, Mr. Giles," he greeted the two he did know, his glance resting on the pale blond beside the youngest member of the group. "If you don't mind, I'd like to get all of your names, just so I know who I'm dealing with."  
  
Giles took it upon himself to introduce everyone, pointing at them as he went. "Xander and Anya, Tara and Willow, of course you know Dawn, and the only person you haven't seen before,"  
  
Spike interrupted. He didn't want this man who had Buffy's life in his hands to have a bad impression of him. "William Wainwright."  
  
Everyone looked at him in surprise. Giles recovered first, looking back at the doctor. "Yes, William." He repeated.  
  
Dr. Kriegel smiled at the group. Somehow it wasn't comforting. "As I'm sure you know, Buffy was rushed to surgery shortly after she arrived. The CAT scan revealed significant brain injury and several locations where small blood vessels had burst and were leaking into the brain. This is called an intracerebral hematoma. In surgery, I removed a small part of her skull and cauterized the sites." At that description, Xander looked really disgusted. "I also drained any pockets of blood and fluid that had already collected," the doctor continued.  
  
"She came through the surgery quite well. After she was settled in Recovery, we hooked her up to an EEG, that is, an Electroencephalogram, to study her brain waves. The good news is her brain pattern is steady and normal, showing that she didn't suffer any brain damage." Wide smiles and sighs of relief greeted this news. Only Spike seemed to be waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
"What's the bad news?" he asked.  
  
"William, right?" Dr. Kriegel sighed, turning to face the questioner. At Spike's nod, the doctor continued. "Yes, I'm afraid it isn't all good news. The EEG patterns, while normal, are slightly subdued. It appears Buffy is in a coma."  
  
Looks of shock and a few scattered sobs greeted this information. Dr. Kriegel waited a few moments for the news to sink in and for the group to compose themselves before continuing. "I'm sure you need some time to deal with this, but I could really use some help. I understand from the paramedics that most of your were at the accident site?" he questioned. At their nods, he continued. "It would really help me know what to look for if I knew what happened."  
  
Everyone looked at Giles. He grimaced but nodded slightly. He was the sensible choice He was the adult in the group and the only one who'd watched Buffy the entire time. Slowly, he recounted his tale.  
  
"We'd all gotten together at the Summers' residence. We try to do that frequently now, to help support Buffy and Dawn since Joyce... Anyway, Dawn's cat was missing, and Buffy asked us all to help look for it. Dawn stayed at the house, of course, and Sp... William stayed to look after her. The animal was known to frequent a construction site, so we headed there first. When we got there, a crowd of neighbours had gathered. The rising wind had started a tower on the property swaying, and it looked like it would fall at any moment. I'm sorry to say we joined the group of rubber neckers. Suddenly Buffy darted away and up the tower. She climbed several stories high. I didn't see the cat, but I assume she must have. She turned around and smiled and started climbing down again, but by then it was too late. A sudden gust of wind sent the tower crashing around her. I...it looked to me as if she tried to jump free of the wreckage as it feel. I'm afraid, I couldn't, I didn't watch her fall. It happened too fast," Giles said turning his face away on that lie, unwilling to relive that moment."  
  
"About how high was she?" Dr. Kriegel asked.  
  
"I'd estimate 15 metres," Giles answered.  
  
Everyone looked at him with confusion. He rapidly did the conversion in his head. "Uh, about 50 feet."  
  
"That's quite a fall. Buffy is a very lucky girl," the doctor said seriously. "I'll have Buffy sent for a full set of X-Rays, just to make sure there are no broken bones or other injuries, but she seems remarkably healthy, other than the brain injury."  
  
An uncomfortable silence fell as Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn and Spike studiously avoided looking at Tara and Willow. Buffy's "remarkable health" was surely due in no small part to the magical triage the two witches had performed before the paramedics arrived. The doctor cleared his throat. "I have every confidence that Buffy will soon wake from her coma. Until then, I'll ensure that every one in this room is permitted to visit her. Right now she's in the Intensive Care Unit, so only two people at a time are allowed into her room. You'll have to take turns for the time being. Just as a head's up, the ICU nurses keep a close watch, so don't try to sneak in. These rules are for Buffy's own well-being, and it is important you follow them." The doctor turned to leave, then turned back with a sheepish look on his face. "I suggest you talk to her, play her favourite music, hold her hand, whatever. There are no studies to back this up, but in my experience, coma patients often respond well to that sort of thing. Here's my card if you have any questions," Kriegel said, handing Giles a stack of cards. "Rest assured that we are doing everything possible for Buffy." With that, Dr. Kriegel left the room.  
  
Xander quietly got up and plucked the cards from Giles' hand, going around the room and distributing one to each person. Everyone looked at the cards in their hands, fiddling with the small piece of thick paper and trying to assimilate the information Dr. Kriegel gave them.  
  
Finally, Dawn spoke. "It's my fault." Everyone rushed to deny it, stunned by the self-loathing in the young girl's voice. Ignoring all of them, Dawn curled up in the chair, hiding her face and sobbing out her broken heart.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Hey all!  
  
Since this chapter was significantly shorter than the others, I thought I'd take this opportunity to add in some notes of my own.  
  
First I want to thank everyone who's sent me reviews. I really appreciate it. I've been trying to respond to each of you personally via email, but for those of you who don't have your email address in your profile, or are on AOL (it seems to hate my dynamic ip from the cable modem), I wanted to thank you here.  
  
Moluvsnumber17, kori hime, rubi-elektra, Harm Marie, and Mary: Thanks for taking the time to encourage me to keep updating this story. I'm trying really hard to not let it die. This is my first BtVS fic and the first thing I've posted to fanfiction.net. I'm definitely going to keep writing and posting, if this is the response I get.  
  
Ms Trick: I can't thank you enough for all your encouragement!  
  
Just to let everyone know, I have at least one other BtVS fic percolating around in my head, but I don't know when I'll get to it. I'm really concentrating on Death is Your Gift right now. I have a feeling this could be a long story. My current plan is to figure out how Buffy's coma will affect each episode in season 6 and 7. Obviously, some stuff won't happen at all - Buffy can't be raised from the dead if she never dies, and if she's not raised, the First can't get a foothold in reality, - but I'm trying to stay pretty close to the existing plot. In the summary, I list it as S/B, so eventually it'll get Spuffy. First, she has to wake up though, 'cause otherwise, ew.  
  
One of the reasons I'm doing this is I found the Spuffiness a little unbelievable, especially post "Seeing Red". I also really wondered what everyone went through during the three months Buffy was dead, so I'm going to explore that, except without the dead part.  
  
Hope this look inside my mind didn't give too much away. It couldn't really, because I don't have anything beyond the next couple of chapters figured out. If you really want more inside scoop, or to hear about the new story (tentatively titled The Guardian) drop me a line at ann@garniss.org.  
  
Thanks again,  
  
GarniGal (Ann) 


	5. Perchance to Dream

A nurse with a clipboard moved around a white-sheeted hospital bed on silent feet. She looked at the monitors; recording their output in the appropriate boxes on the form she carried. A kindly woman, she paused at the head of the bed before leaving the room.  
  
She laid a gentle hand on the head of the attractive blond in the bed. "It'll be all right, dear. You'll wake up soon," she whispered sweetly.  
  
The door closed behind the white-clad woman, leaving the room silent and still. In the sky, a wind gust blew the last clouds away from the sun, allowing the sun's rays to penetrate the glass and light up the motionless figure. She lay, bathed in light, an ethereal princess, Sleeping Beauty.  
  
In a deep well of darkness, a tiny spark flared. It spun, sending tiny, multi-coloured flares into the gloom. Formless, ever changing, somehow it was identifiable as human. Whether simple consciousness, ego, personality or something even more indefinable and precious, it didn't really matter. As long as the little fire burned, the girl in the bed was still reachable, alive in the way that means more than simple breath.  
  
It started small; a mere sparkle in the dark. The primary colour was a murky red, the colour of fear, confusion and warning, and it spun in ever- tighter circles. Suddenly it stopped. Extending tendrils, it tentatively explored the darkness. Like every beginning, the dark stretched on forever. Hastily pulling the curious fingers back, the intensifying blaze darted through the murk. As it passed, the dimness lifted slightly. Shapes could be seen moving through the greyness beyond the immediate area lit by the spark of life.  
  
The bright spot stopped suddenly. The colour moved through the spectrum from red to yellow. Despite the lack of appendages or any hominid features, an outside observer might have compared the entity to the statue entitled "The Thinker". It was puzzling out the information it had collected, and trying to come to a working theory.  
  
The soul snapped into an attentive posture as if suddenly coming to a conclusion. With a curious twist, it attempted something. In the bed, Sleeping Beauty twitched a finger, then a leg. The spark flared, obviously pleased with itself. This time, the flare didn't just brighten the darkness, it crackled in the silence as well. Stunned, the fire fell back, timid and fearful. It burned silently and passively for a moment before it visibly gathered all it's strength and courage. Another crackle was heard, then an odd sound, like a person clearing her throat. Finally a human voice split the silence and the shadows.  
  
"Dawn? Giles? Where is everybody?"

* * *

It seemed like Dawn had been crying for hours. She was completely inconsolable, not even aware of the attempts everyone made to pull her from the depths of her grief. Spike finally pulled a desperate and teary Willow away from the girl.  
  
"She just needs to cry herself out, Red. Then you can reason with her." Everyone saw the wisdom and truth of Spike's words, but it was hard to ignore the broken-hearted innocent in their midst. Not knowing where to look or what to do, the group just sat around silently, absorbed in their own thoughts.  
  
Finally, Giles heaved a sigh. Obviously, no one wanted to take control of the much needed planning session. Sometimes it made him so tired, having to always be the voice of reason and wisdom. However, it was expected of him after so many years in that role. He cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him expectantly.  
  
"I assume we all want to take some time to see Buffy for ourselves today?" he questioned. Furious nods greeted him. "Dr. Kriegel told us to go two at a time, so I guess we'd better figure out some kind of schedule." Giles thought a moment, looking at Dawn. Hesitantly, he called her name and got no response. Unsure of himself and how to deal with this, he turned beseeching eyes on Spike. Everyone could see that the vampire had a special bond with the Slayer's little sister.  
  
"Spike, is she...?" Giles trailed off.  
  
Spike looked at Dawn with a considering look on his face. "I think she'll cry herself out in a minute." Once Spike said it, everyone could hear that Dawn's sobs were softer, less heart-rending. "I also think the Slayer would be furious if 'bit wasn't the first person to come and see her."  
  
Giles sighed again, agreeing with the vampire's assessment, but desperate to see his Slayer for himself. About to send Spike and Dawn for the first visit, resigning himself to the second round of visits, he was surprised when Spike continued speaking. "You and the Little Bit head up as soon as Dawn feels up to it."  
  
Giles sent a look of surprised gratitude to the vampire. Spike scoffed. "Buffy would want you there just as much as Dawn. She loves you like a father." He finished on a whisper.  
  
Giles felt tears welling in his eyes. The feelings between the Watcher and Slayer were something that neither had spoken about since the Cruciamentum test on her 18th birthday. Hearing from someone else that Buffy's familial love for him was so obvious was heart wrenching, especially while she lay trapped in a coma. He pulled his glasses off and wiped his eyes. Finally clear gazed again, he looked around at everyone else. They all nodded, agreeing with Spike's assessment of the relationship between Slayer and Watcher, and with the fact that Giles and Dawn should go first.  
  
Giles took control of the planning session again. "Okay, how about Willow and Tara, you head down after we get back. Willow, do you have the strength to push Tara's wheelchair?"  
  
Tara piped up in her small, shy voice. "I'm really feeling much better now, I can walk down myself." Willow started to shake her head, but then looked her in the eyes. The look of resolve in her lover's eyes told her that Tara was bound and determined to do this, to make up for feeling like a burden. Willow nodded her agreement with that plan.  
  
"Okay, and Xander and Anya next," Willow said.  
  
"I would like to be pushed in a wheelchair. Or you could carry me again, Xander. That was very romantic." Everyone hid small grins at that.  
  
"I guess I'll go down myself after you are done, then?" Spike asked.  
  
The Scoobies exchanged uncomfortable looks. Spike had proven himself in battle, had shown a caring and compassion beyond any they had expected from the vampire, and was obviously concerned about Buffy. Still, they couldn't get over the mental image of leaving a dangerous vampire along with the defenceless, comatose Slayer.  
  
Spike read the problem on their faces and started to get very angry. About to harangue the group for their distrust, he was interrupted by Dawn. "Yeah, that's fine, Spike. Come on Giles."  
  
Dawn grabbed Giles' wheelchair and headed out the door, leaving Spike alone with four very ashamed Scoobies.  
  
"I, uhn, I think I'll go for a smoke," Spike said, fleeing the uncomfortable atmosphere.

* * *

Three floors above, Dawn pushed Giles down a hallway towards a pair of large swinging glass doors. She turned the wheelchair around to hold the door open with her back, the way they always did on TV.  
  
Just inside the door a nurse stopped them. "May I help you?"  
  
"We're here to see Buffy Summers," Dawn said.  
  
"Oh, yes, Dr. Kriegel said she'd be having a number of visitors. Just this way." The nurse led them to a door. As she walked away, Dawn quietly called her back.  
  
"Just to give you warning, there are five other people waiting to see her. Dr. Kriegel told us no more than two at a time, so we're coming in pairs."  
  
The nurse smiled warmly. "Thank you for the head's up. I'll keep my eyes open."  
  
Dawn took a deep breath and pushed the door open.  
  
The room was bright and filled with sunlight. There were many monitors around the head of the bed, but Dawn and Giles only had eyes for Buffy. By unspoken agreement, each moved to a different side of the bed and clasped one of the motionless hands.  
  
She looked completely relaxed and at peace, much younger than she looked while awake. Giles started when Dawn spoke.  
  
"Hey, Buffy. Guess what? You saved the world again. Not that I ever thought you wouldn't. I was really happy to see you, Buffy. I was really scared without you. Glory told me... Glory said some pretty bad stuff," Dawn mumbled, eyes glistening. She sat, silent and shaking for a moment. "I'm just glad she was wrong." Dawn finished lamely.  
  
Giles took that as his turn to speak. "Buffy, I'm so proud of you. We are all fine, a little banged up, but fine. We all miss you and are worried about you. Please wake up soon." Giles' voice cracked on a sob, and he fell silent, just holding Buffy's hand.  
  
They all sat unmoving and unspeaking for several minutes. Dawn and Giles stared at Buffy, and she slept peacefully on.  
  
After an exhausting half hour of alternately talking to the unresponsive girl, looking at her, and crying for her, Giles and Dawn got ready to return downstairs. Before they left, Dawn took one last look at her sister.  
  
"I wonder if she knew we were here?"

* * *

Inside Buffy's mind, her essence screamed in frustration. As soon as Dawn and Giles entered the room, she'd started calling for them. She heard every word they said, finally remembering what happened the previous night and figuring out she was now in a coma. As her awareness increased, the gloom surrounding her flame lifted. Now she could see the space around her wasn't formless. She could see Dawn's and Giles' sparks, but between her and them was a shimmering wall. It hummed with life, thickening and thinning in unpredictable patterns. She tried to approach it, tried to batter it away, but it resisted all her efforts. By the time they turned to leave, she was crying with exhaustion and disappointment. Sorrowfully, she watched them go. It felt like abandonment.

* * *

Willow and Tara poked their heads' in the hospital room, sucking in a quick gasp at all the machines surround Buffy's bed. Slowly, the witches moved to the side of the bed. Willow grabbed Buffy's hand, while Tara hung back, even shy with the comatose.  
  
"She looks so peaceful," Willow whispered, then laughed. "It's like she finally gets a chance to catch up on all the sleep she missed because of patrolling."  
  
Silence filled the room. Willow sat with her eyes closed. After a few minutes, Willow cursed. "Goddess! I'm so tired I can't even get into a trance to try and find her," she cried.  
  
Tara finally spoke. "May, maybe that's best, baby. Maybe she needs to be asleep to heal, to get strong again. Maybe you need to get strong again before you can reach her. You saved her life this morning. Isn't that enough for one day?"  
  
"Tara, what are we going to do without her?"  
  
"We won't have to find out, not really. She'll wake up soon, baby, I promise."  
  
Willow leaned down and gave the silent figure a hug. "I'll help you wake up as soon as I can, Buffy. I promise. Just stay strong. I love you."  
  
The witches trailed from the room, looking back for some sign that Buffy was wakening.

* * *

Head hanging in misery, Buffy felt more than saw the golden flames that represented Willow and Tara. Her own flame brightened a bit; surely Willow could pull her out of this coma like she did before. She saw Willow's spirit become still, then it started shooting silver sparks. The sparks seemed weak, and faded when they reached the wall encircling Buffy. Buffy dimmed, sorrowing again. Would she be trapped forever? She felt guilty when she realized that Willow had drained herself to save her life. As she heard Willow's whispered promise, she had some hope. Willow wouldn't give up until Buffy was awake. Buffy was determined to be strong for as long as it took.

* * *

Xander stood outside the closed door, fidgeting. He was really scared to go in. He didn't want to see Buffy weak and fragile. She was the strong one, the one who protected them.  
  
"Honey, what are you doing?" Anya questioned from the wheelchair behind him.  
  
"I... nothing," Xander sighed, opening the door, and pulling Anya in with him.  
  
"Hello, Buffy," Anya said brightly.  
  
"An, what are you doing?" Xander was scandalized. They were supposed to sombre and quiet. It was a hospital.  
  
"I'm talking to Buffy, what does it look like I'm doing?"  
  
"Why? I mean, she's in a coma. I just wanted to see that she was really still here, I didn't, I'm not going to talk to her. That's just stupid."  
  
"No it's not. The doctor may not have any evidence that people in a coma are aware of what's going on around them, but I do. When I was a vengeance demon, I granted a wish for a girl in a coma."  
  
"You mean, ... she can hear us? That's really creepy."  
  
"Didn't you tell me it's very rude to talk about people as if they can't hear you?"  
  
Xander was speechless. Finally, he walked up to the bed and said, "hello, Buffy. Sorry I was rude. Anya, I feel like an idiot!" he wailed.  
  
Anya ignored him. So did Buffy. "Buffy, we have very good news. Xander and I are getting married! He gave me a very beautiful diamond ring, and said very romantic things. I hope you wake up soon so that you can be one of my bridesmaids, with Dawn and Willow and Hallie. Do you like peach taffeta? What am I saying, I don't care if you like peach taffeta. It is very flattering to my skin, and if you are my bridesmaid, you will wear what I want you to wear. That's settled, I'm glad. Oh and thank you for saving the world so I could get married."  
  
Xander and Anya turned to leave, when Anya suddenly gasped. "Xander, close the blinds. Dawn made us promise to, remember."  
  
Xander closed the blinds, grumbling the whole time.

* * *

Buffy was feeling much better after Xander and Anya left. Despite all of Anya's strangeness, or perhaps because of it, Anya could be very entertaining. As for Xander, he'd been making Buffy laugh ever since she met him. She was really happy for them, and determined to be awake for the wedding, if for nothing else, to convince Anya that the bridesmaid's shouldn't wear peach - especially the redheaded bridesmaid.

* * *

Spike had been hovering around near the entrance to the ICU since he'd left everyone else downstairs. He'd watched everyone come and go, tears marking their faces, but somehow lighter and happier than they had been. As Xander and Anya entered the elevator, he steeled himself to see Buffy.  
  
He went through the swinging doors and was directed to the room by the helpful nurse. He hesitated again outside the door, then taking a deep, unnecessary breath he opened it and walked through.  
  
The room was dim. He looked at the blinds, smiling when he saw how the sun lit them up from behind. If they'd been open, he wouldn't have been able to go past the door. The entire room would have been flooded with sunshine. He had to thank the Little Bit for remembering that.  
  
He moved to the side of the bed, standing there and staring down at the helpless woman. Even in the gloom, even comatose, she somehow seemed more alive and vibrant than anyone else he'd ever seen. Carefully, keeping a cautious eye on her face, he grasped her hand, entwining his fingers with hers.  
  
"You should be proud, pet. Even comatose, I'm afraid of offending you. You look, actually, you look kind of like you're sleeping. Not that I've ever seen you sleeping," he hastened to assure her. "Nope, I never did that. I wish I did, though," he mused. "Course, you'd probably sense me, wake up, and stake me. Besides, I get to look at you all I want now." Spike leered at the figure on the bed, and then his face fell. "You must be really deep under if that didn't wake you up."  
  
Spike sat, silently watching her chest rise and fall for a few moments, then shook himself out of his reverie. "I just wanted you to know that everybody's okay. Not even a scratch on the Little Bit. Xander's a little bumped up, but he didn't need medical attention or anything. He's going to stay here overnight with Anya, though. She got a concussion. Tara got put back in the hospital because she re-broke her hand when she pulled the cast off. Willow's staying, too, to be treated for exhaustion. She wore herself out, trying to keep you alive. Giles ripped open his stitches and he's here overnight. Everybody's going to be just fine. Since everyone else is here, Dawnie will probably stay here too. There's an extra bed in the girls' room, and they you don't have to worry about her going home with the vampire."  
  
Another few minutes of silence passed. "I don't know what to do until you wake up. I don't know if you ever thought about what would happen to Dawn, to everybody if you weren't here. I hope you did. I know it seemed like Giles was in charge, big Watcher man, but you were always the one with the plan. I hope you know what we're supposed to do now." Spike got up and paced the room. "I'm worried about 'bit, I'm worried about Giles, I'm worried about you, dammit! I'm a bloody vampire, I'm not supposed to worry. I'm supposed to be a perpetual teenager, lacking any and all impulse control. Now I'm all about responsibility and caring for others. I know you think it's the chip, but it's not. No one can invent a chip to make you an adult. The only thing that can do that is love. I love you, Buffy," he whispered. "You can't do anything about that. You can't now and you couldn't then. You just have to live with it, accept it. I'm not what you think I am. I'll prove it to you someday. Until you wake up, I'll prove it to the Scoobies. I'll help protect Sunnydale, and the Little Bit. Everybody will be waiting right here when you wake up, okay?"  
  
With that, he leaned over, kissed her on the forehead, and headed back to the elevator without a backwards glance.

* * *

Buffy sat, trapped in her own mind, silent and in awe of the truths Spike had just told her. Unable to run, to disagree, to beat him senseless, she had no choice but to listen. His essence paced frantically around her prison walls, shot through with passionate reds and the cool blue of honesty. He truly did love her and Dawn. He really was willing to put his life on the line, not just to impress her, but also to keep everyone safe.  
  
She felt so terrible for the way she'd treated him. She seemed unable to recognize change - she'd been surprised by Willow's love affair with Tara, by Xander's bond with Anya. She wondered what she'd never noticed about Dawn and Giles, what secrets her mother had taken to her grave.  
  
The cool, gentle touch of Spike's lips on her forehead was her undoing. She yearned to hold him, to comfort him, to prove that this time, she'd heard him. Her essence dripped sparkling tears, but her body remained unchanged, unmoving, except for her chest, slowly rising and lowering as she breathed.

* * *

Authors Notes!  
  
Hi Everybody! (Can you even read that without hearing Dr. Nick Riviera? I can't.)  
  
Just another shout out to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I got quite a few questions on that one – I'll try to answer them here.  
  
kori hime – I love reviewers, so of course I acknowledge them! You asked about my comment that this was my first fic. It is my first Buffy fic. I've written X-Files fic for a few years (only published one though, over on Gossamer). As well, I've written a lot of original fiction, took an English degree at University of Waterloo (including a couple of creative writing courses), and I work as a Technical Writer, so I write for a living. I should hope that it's well-written, or at least, grammatically correct! I'm trying to maintain Buffy's character despite the coma, which is something that didn't happen for Cordy on Angel. Let me know how I do!  
  
Harm Marie – thanks for reviewing again! I really appreciate that people are coming back as I update. AS for how long Buffy will be in the coma, I'm not sure. I don't think it'll last all summer. Probably a month – long enough that they get into a routine without her, not so long that they lose hope. I knew someone was going to point out that coma is kind of like death. As I said above, I'm trying to keep Buffy active even during coma. Let me know if you still think it's like death!  
  
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, especially Trick, whose been there from the beginning.  
  
GarniGal (Ann) 


	6. For Love's Sake Only

Spike dragged his weary body back downstairs. He felt exhausted and sore, and he desperately wanted to sleep, but there were so many things he needed to do. First on his list was to check on Dawn, make sure she ate and slept. Then he'd figure out what to do next.  
  
The door to the girls' room was closed, so Spike put his face to the glass insert, trying to see in without awakening the occupants. Everyone was fast asleep and the remains of several breakfast trays were piled on a table. Each of the girls was curled up in a hospital bed, while Xander sprawled, snoring, in a visitor's chair, still holding tight to Anya's hand.  
  
Spike heaved a sigh of relief. The Little Bit was well taken care of, and perfectly safe. He felt his vigilance relaxing, leaving him even more exhausted. He plodded over to Giles' room, but didn't bother to check if the Watcher was asleep, simply pushing open the door and dropping into the chair at his bedside.  
  
Giles startled when the door opened, turning away from his contemplation of the world outside his window to watch the vampire drag his obviously tired body to the chair. Giles examined Spike as the blond stared at the floor, elbows on knees and his chin in his hands. Giles felt very uncomfortable in the presence of the vampire, but was surprised to find his discomfort didn't seem to stem from fear. He prodded at the feeling, trying to define it, only to be pulled away from his naval-gazing by the sound of Spike's voice.  
  
"Everybody else is asleep. Dawn curled up in the empty bed, so the only person who's stuck sleeping in a chair is Xander. I'm so exhausted I could sleep through an apocalypse, but there's too much to do. I just can't think of any of it right now."  
  
Giles had never heard Spike speak without the cocky, sarcastic tone. He said as much to Spike.  
  
"Too damn tired to be sarcastic. Just tell me what to do and when I get to sleep."  
  
Giles searched his mind for what needed to be done. Before he could come up with anything, Spike spoke again.  
  
"I'd like to be able to tell 'bit what's going to happen to her until Buffy wakes up."  
  
Finally Giles knew what Spike had to do. "Buffy always kept a will, a bunch of letters, stuff like that in her room. Hopefully they'll be able to tell us what to do next. Head over to the house and get them. Um, can you get in?"  
  
"Yeah, Buffy invited me in again last night. Would the papers be in her desk, or did she have somewhere special for them?"  
  
"I don't honestly know. She told me she had them, not where they were kept. I assume that means they are in an obvious location."  
  
"Okay, I'll get them and bring them here."  
  
"You're exhausted Spike. Just take a look at them, get the gist, and then take a rest. Come back tonight. None of us will be awake enough to figure out what to do until after we've slept anyway."  
  
Spike looked at Giles in surprise. It really seemed like the Watcher trusted him, at least with this. Then again, maybe Rupert was too tired to really think about what he was saying, judging by the yawns and heavy eyes. It didn't matter to Spike. He had a reason to go to Buffy's and look through her stuff, without fear of getting caught. Too bad he was too tired to take advantage.  
  
After a quick journey through the sewers from the hospital to the exit nearest Buffy's place and a quick, smoky dash though the sunlight, Spike found himself on the Slayer's porch. He was about to kick in the door when he remembered that a few weeks before, Buffy showed him where she kept a spare key. Sheepishly, he pulled it from its hiding spot under a false newel post in the porch.  
  
He opened the door and stood in the entry for a moment. The house still smelled of Buffy and Dawn, and for a moment, he expected them to come out of the kitchen to greet him; Dawn with hesitant, shy smiles and Buffy with scowls and bitter comments. With a sigh, Spike shook himself out of his dream and headed up the stairs to Buffy's room.  
  
The room was bright due to the two windows, but all of the light was soft, diffuse and indirect, allowing Spike to move freely without closing the curtains. He looked around appraisingly. 'Logical places first,' he thought, heading for the plain white desk.  
  
An hour later, Spike was frustrated. He'd searched all of the obvious places – her desk, her dresser (taking special time in her underwear drawer), under her mattress, where he'd found her diary, but no letters. There was only one place left to look – the hope chest/weapons chest at the foot of the bed. As soon as he opened it, he knew it was hopeless. The chest was well organized, with a few frilly, girly things one corner, and the rest filled with well-maintained and organized weapons. He closed the chest and sat on the lid, utterly exhausted and baffled.  
  
Rolling his head from shoulder to shoulder, a spot of bright red caught his eye. Slowly, he stood up and moved towards the bit of lace caught in the closed closet door. Something Dawn said earlier came back to him: 'I used to go into Buffy's closet when she was out. She had a hiding spot under the floorboards where she put her slaying supplies, and any clothes that got wrecked.'  
  
Spike opened the door, and sure enough, in the back corner, there was a floorboard slightly raised from the rest. Spike gently pulled it up and reached in, feeling the crinkle of paper.  
  
'Must remember to thank the Little Bit,' he grinned, pulling out two large brown envelopes. He sat on the bed and examined the packages in his hands. The envelopes were nondescript, plain with a tied down flap. They looked a little worn around the edges, as if someone had handled them regularly. One was quite thick and lumpy. It was marked Letters in Buffy's handwriting. The other was thinner and flatter, marked Legal.  
  
Spike really wanted to know what was in the thick envelope. Was there a letter for him? He scoffed at that thought. Why would Buffy leave him a letter in the event of her death? She hardly cared about him when she was alive, why would she take the time to write him a letter? Regretfully, he laid the envelope on the bed.  
  
Unwrapping the string holding the Legal envelope closed, he pulled out a sheaf of papers. The top paper was titled "Living Will" and Spike suppressed a shudder, mentally thanking the powers that be that Buffy wasn't on life support. He slipped that paper back into the envelope, turning to the next. This one was marked "Power of Attorney". With a quick glance, Spike saw all he needed. In the case of Buffy's incapacitation, Rupert Giles was designated to take care of all assets and any minor children in Buffy's care. This document was dated two days after Joyce's death. Spike put that paper back in the envelope as well, then gasped as he saw the title of the next paper. "Last Will and Testament of Buffy Anne Summers". The words seemed to swell, taking up all of his field of vision. Finally regaining control of himself, Spike scanned the three page document. It was also dated two days after Joyce's death, and said basically the same as the Power of Attorney – Giles to take care of Dawn and to take control of the money until Dawn was of age. In addition, there were several sentimental objects left to different people. There was jewellery for Dawn, Willow, Tara, and Anya, DVD's for Xander, a statue for Giles, and a leather jacket for Angel. Spike's eyes swam with tears at the final item. No matter what, Angel seemed to have a hold on Buffy's heart that no man or vampire could ever loosen. Spike laid the will down with the other papers and dashed away the tears. It didn't matter what Buffy left Angel in her will. Angel wasn't here, and Spike was. He got to see her, smell her, just be near her, and that was something Angel must yearn for.  
  
Spike hastily pushed all of the legal papers back into the envelope. He picked up both envelopes and set them on the bedside table. He was exhausted, and lay back on Buffy's bed. Giles told him to get some rest, but he didn't specify where. Might as well take advantage of this opportunity, burying his face in the Buffy-scented pillow. He was asleep in mere moments.

* * *

Hours later, Spike awoke. It was still twenty minutes before sunset. He stretched in Buffy's bed, luxuriating in the softness and scent. As he stretched, his arm bumped the bedside table and the envelopes fell to the floor. He bent down to retrieve them and again found his attention on the thick envelope labelled Letters. He sat for a moment, the envelope in his lap. Did he really want to know whom she considered important enough to write a letter to? Did he really want to see a thick letter for Angel and find nothing for himself? About to set the envelope down, he suddenly changed his mind. He had to know what was in there. When he got back to the hospital, Giles was going to open the envelope, and if he reacted with pain, Xander would never let him live it down. Pulling the string away, he turned the envelope over and dumped its contents on the bed. There were several white envelopes inside, each labelled for a specific recipient and sealed shut. He turned them over slowly; here was one for Willow and Tara, a thick one for Dawn, a really thick one for Giles, one for Xander and Anya, and, of course, one for Angel. He felt a stab of pain. He gathered the envelopes up to put them back in the larger envelope. As he started to shove them in, however, he heard a crinkling sound. It was higher pitched than the sound of the envelope. He looked inside, and there was a single piece of paper not inside it's own envelope. He pulled it out with some trepidation. It was probably just a letter to everyone, but he looked at it anyway. When he saw his name at the top, he thought his heart would start.  
  
_Dear Spike,  
  
Today you endured unimaginable pain, but you still kept Dawn safe. I can't pretend to love you for that, or even understand you, but I do thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I'll always thank you for protecting Dawn.  
  
I know you say you love me, and today, maybe I believe you a little bit. I don't know if we'll ever be friends, but I do trust you with my most precious possession: my sister. If anything happens to me, help them take care of her. They'll need all the help they can get. Please look after all of them, even Xander. You are the strongest person I know, and not just physically. They are going to need you to keep them in reality, to take the really hard blows, all the stuff I used to do. I know you can do it, and I know you will. For Dawn, and for me.  
  
Buffy_  
  
By the time he reached the end, the paper was soggy with his tears. He read it over and over again, pledging his love and protection every time. Finally, he carefully folded it and put it in the inside pocket of his duster. He gathered the smaller envelopes and put them back in the large brown envelope. Setting them aside, he took a moment to make the bed and ensure that his search hadn't disturbed the Slayer's room. On his way out the door, he stopped to wash his face and erase the evidence of tears.  
  
Dark had fully fallen by the time he left the Summers' home, so he hurried down gloomy streets to the hospital. Once inside the well-lighted public building, he made a slight detour to steal a bag of blood for supper. Rested and fed, he hurried upstairs to Giles' room.  
  
Giles was getting impatient, waiting for Spike. Xander had been over a couple of times since he woke up to see if Giles wanted to join the rest of them in the other room, but Giles turned him down. Giles wanted to see Buffy's papers before everyone else. He needed to seem like he knew what was going on. He was understandably sharp when Spike finally arrived.  
  
"Finally! I hope you have a good excuse for your tardiness, Spike."  
  
"Yeah. I couldn't be bothered getting here any sooner," Spike snorted contemptuously.  
  
"Obviously you got some rest. Your irritating personality is back." Giles snatched the envelopes Spike silently held out.  
  
"The upshot is that you are supposed to look after Dawn and the money stuff." Spike offered.  
  
"I'll read the documents myself, thank you Spike."  
  
"I don't know if you want..." Spike was cut off by Giles' gasp when he saw the documents.  
  
"I should have realized," Giles mumbled, as he looked at the Living Will. "At least she's breathing on her own. I don't know if I could, no matter what she wanted."  
  
"I think the Power of Attorney is the only one that applies right now," Spike said.  
  
"What else is in here?" Giles ignore Spike, pulling out the will. He looked at it for an instant, and then dropped it like it burned him. "Yes, I think you are correct, Spike. I'll leave these other papers in here. No one needs to see these, they aren't relevant to this situation." Giles hurriedly stuffed the Living Will and the Last Will and Testament back in the Legal envelope and put it in a drawer, then wiped his eyes.  
  
"What's in this other envelope? I assume you looked at it as well," Giles asked, hesitating now to open the envelope.  
  
"It's filled with envelopes for everyone. I didn't read anything, they are all sealed," Spike said. "I don't know if you should give them to everyone. She probably meant them for you if she died."  
  
"Perhaps if I read mine, I'll know whether I should give them to people," Giles mused, already reaching for the string holding it shut.  
  
"Uh, in that case, I'll step out for a smoke. You'll want privacy, I'm sure."  
  
Surprised by Spike's consideration, Giles sent him a grateful look. "Thank you Spike. I think I'll be done in about five minutes, if you want to come back and go over the other room with me."  
  
"You might need more time than that. Watcher," Spike mumbled under his breath as he left the room.  
  
Giles sat for a moment with the envelope in his lap. His name was written boldly across the front and it was thick and heavy. Finally he picked it up and opened it with shaking hands. He pulled out several handwritten pages. He sighed. Her writing was ridiculously large. If she wrote like a sensible person, she probably would have only needed a single page. He started reading.  
  
_Dear Giles,  
  
If you are reading this, something really bad happened to me. Maybe I'm dead, or maybe I just got so sentimental I felt that you needed to see this letter; either way, sorry about that.  
  
These may seem melodramatic, the letters after I'm gone. It's like something from a movie. The fact is, I've always known that I could get killed suddenly, and I really didn't want to leave anything unsaid, or any bad feelings behind. So I wrote these letters for you, for Willow, and for Xander. I used to have letters for Mom and Dad, but Mom's gone and I can't be bothered with a father who can't be bothered with me. As you can tell by the dates, I rewrote all of the letters after Mom died. Somehow, I had a lot more to say after going through that.  
  
I know you, so business first. By now, you probably know I want you to look after Dawnie and the house and stuff. Sorry about that too. But really, you were the only person who was right. I needed someone I could rely on. Dawn needs a real parent, and you are the only one who fits that bill. After all, you already did a great job with me. I'll warn you now: Dad might try to fight you for her once he hears I'm gone. Please do everything in your power to keep her. I know Sunnydale isn't exactly the greatest place in the world to grow up, but I have a feeling that she belongs here, with the Scooby Gang. If Dad does get custody, it's okay. I understand. Dad can be pretty determined to get his own way. Just try and keep in touch with her, and let her know that you are there for her.  
_  
_If you raise her, make sure she knows I love her. And make sure she goes to school. She seems to have problems with that. I know she's not a slayer, but make sure she knows how to defend herself.  
  
I'm sure Willow and Xander will be around to help too. You should know, I asked Spike to stick close and look after all of you. He loves Dawn, and he's proven himself to me. I don't know if you'll ever like him, but at least he can help with the demons and the crazy teenager I'm sticking you with.  
  
Now that the business is out of the way, I need you to know that I love you. You are like a father to me. You make me do what's right, what's best. I didn't always want to do what you said, but I always knew you had my best interests at heart. That's what a father is, and that's what I want for Dawn if I can't be there.  
  
Please don't worry about me. Just live your life and be happy. Or as happy as you can be, raising a teenage girl. Remember me.  
  
Love always,  
  
Buffy  
_  
Giles wiped away tears. It seemed like he could hear Buffy's voice, whispering the words on the paper. He was so happy to know that she loved him and trusted him so fully, that she felt he had been a pivotal figure in making her the wonderful, strong woman she was today. It just seemed so pointless, reading these words while she was unreachable, in a coma. Making these discoveries when he wasn't sure when he could thank her for her beautiful words.  
  
Spike stood in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot. He'd come back a few minutes before, after giving Giles an extra couple of minutes beyond the five he'd asked for. He cleared his throat to warn the Watcher, but Giles was still caught up in his thoughts, and hadn't heard him. Now Spike was unsure of whether to try to get the Watcher's attention again, or go away for another couple of minutes and pretend the whole awkward situation never happened. Finally deciding to leave, he was stopped mid-turn by Giles's voice.  
  
"Back already, Spike? Sorry, I must not have noticed you. Just let me get up and we'll head over to the other room."  
  
Giles began to climb out of bed. He grabbed for the robe as he stood, keeping his back away from the vampire. The damn hospital robes always made you so self-conscious and vulnerable.  
  
"Are you going to give the letters to everyone?"  
  
"What's that? Oh, yes I think I will. Mine was quite touching, but since it was written in present tense, it wasn't too upsetting. I think it'll be good for everyone to know how Buffy feels about us. It'll give us all hope while we wait for her to wake up. I do hope all of the letters are in present tense though," Giles mused.  
  
"Mine was." As soon as he spoke, Spike could have bitten off his tongue. He'd intended to keep his letter from the Slayer private, a secret he could treasure.  
  
"Oh, yes, she mentioned she asked you to keep an eye on all of us, especially Dawn." Giles paused. "Spike, I feel I should apologize. I'm sorry for how we treated you yesterday when you mentioned visiting Buffy. She trusts you and we should too. It's just very hard to see the man behind the monster sometimes."  
  
Spike was struck speechless. The last thing he'd ever expected was Giles to apologize for treating him like the demon he was. He managed a small smile for the Watcher. "Thanks, Giles."  
  
After a brief uncomfortable silence, both men began muttering about going over to the other room, and promptly fit action to words. They were unable to look one another in the eye as they crossed the hall and tapped lightly on the door before entering.  
  
In the other room, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Dawn were sitting around talking quietly. Dawn was the first to notice Giles and Spike enter. She instantly got up from her chair and hugged Giles, then pasted herself close to Spike's side. The vampire sent a surprised and happy smile down to the girl. They moved off to a corner of the room, snagging a couple of chairs on the way.  
  
Giles sank gratefully into the chair Xander hurriedly vacated. The young man perched on Anya's bed, and everyone turned expectant eyes on Giles.  
  
"I'll jump right to the point – until Buffy wakes up, we are going to have hold down the fort. We need to patrol, but more importantly, we need to look after you, Dawn. Fortunately, Buffy left instructions about what to do in a situation such as this. The end result is that she asked me to look after you and all the finances, only if you agree of course." Giles looked directly at the young girl as he spoke.  
  
Dawn looked surprised to be asked her opinion. "Yeah, Giles that's fine. Um, do I have to move to your apartment?"  
  
Giles allowed a tiny smile to escape. "No, I believe I'll move into your house until Buffy wakes from her coma."  
  
"Good, 'cause I've got a lot of stuff, and I don't think I could fit it all in your place."  
  
"Yes, well. In addition to the legal documents, Buffy left letters for all of you. Xander, could you hand these round?"  
  
Xander got up and grabbed the white envelopes Giles held out, but then he hesitated. "Uh, Buffy wrote these for us in case she died, right?"  
  
"That is my understanding," Giles answered.  
  
"Well, she's not dead, and she's going to wake up eventually. Should we really read these?"  
  
Giles looked thoughtful. "I read mine. It really helped me understand what she wanted me to do. The fact is, that even though she's going to wake up, we don't know exactly how long we are going to be without her. I suppose it's up to you whether you want to read it or not."  
  
"Well, I want mine," Dawn said, holding out her hand to Xander. He reluctantly gave her the letter marked Dawn, then handed Willow hers. With just the letter marked Xander and Anya in his hand, he sat down beside Anya and examined the envelope as if it was a deadly snake.  
  
Dawn ripped hers open as soon as she got it. Spike got up and looked out the window to give her some privacy.  
  
_Dearest Dawn,  
  
This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. If you're reading it, it means I'm not there anymore, and I'm really sorry about that. I wanted to see you grow up, grow more beautiful, grow more like Mom every day.  
  
You are in danger, captured by Glory, even as I write this. I'm really worried about you, but I have a plan. Okay, maybe not a plan, just an idea. When Giles and I went to talk to the First Slayer, she told me that death is my gift. I was pretty freaked out at the time. It's one thing to fight evil every night, killing vampires and demons, but it's something else again to have someone tell me that I have a special skill for dealing death. I told Giles about it, that the Slayer really is just a killer, and he said he thought I was wrong. He didn't say anything else, but I thought about it a little. I think I know what the First Slayer meant now.  
  
The ritual calls for blood – as Spike said, it's always got to be blood. I think the First Slayer was trying to tell me that you and I share the blood. If the ritual starts, I think I can sacrifice myself to stop it.  
  
If that's what happened, just know that I love you. You mean more to me than life. You, being able to grow up, being able to have a life, are my priority right now. Don't ever forget that.  
  
Mom loved you. I love you. I'll do anything to come back safe to you.  
  
That was pretty sappy, wasn't it? Sorry. By now you probably know I asked Giles to look after you. I hope that's okay. He's like a father to me, and I know he'll do his best for you. Of course, if you want to go to Dad, I'm sure Giles will understand. If you leave, though, stay in touch with everyone, for me?  
_  
_I also asked Spike to keep an eye on you, and to help with the patrolling. It took a long time for me to see it, but now I believe he really does love us. I don't know if I'll ever even really like him, but I do trust him, and I can see that he is a good man.  
  
I feel like I need to give you some last words of advice, but all I can think of is don't skip school. That's pretty stupid.  
  
I love you,  
  
Buffy  
_  
Dawn's sobs finally broke from her chest. Spike quickly turned back to the young girl and gathered her against him. She clung tightly to him, one hand tight around the letter. Her sobs finally quieted, she pulled away and headed for the bathroom. "I need to wash my face," she whispered.  
  
She didn't take long in the bathroom. When she came back, she and Spike sat back in their chairs. Shyly, Dawn offered her letter to Spike. "Do you want to read it?"  
  
Spike was stunned. He looked into Dawn's eyes and realized that she truly meant it. Instead of reaching for the letter she held out, he reached into his duster pocket, pulling out the letter Buffy wrote for him.  
  
"A trade?" he offered.  
  
Dawn smiled and they exchanged letters. Spike's letter was quite short, so Dawn finished quickly. She watched tears roll down Spike's face as he realized Buffy's intention to sacrifice herself to save Dawn.  
  
"She really loved you, didn't she 'bit?" Spike said with a tone of wonder in his voice. "I spent decades with Dru, claiming undying love, but I know neither of us would ever consider that sacrifice for the other."  
  
The girl and the vampire sat in silence, thinking of the brave girl they both loved.

* * *

Willow looked at the names on the envelope Xander handed her. "What do you say, baby? Should we read it?"  
  
"I don't know, Willow. Do you want to?" Tara asked.  
  
"I'm a little scared. What if it's bad stuff?"  
  
"Willow, it's Buffy. She's your best friend. She just wants you to know how much you mean to her. Open it."  
  
Willow marvelled at the authoritative tone Tara used as she slowly unsealed the envelope and pulled out the letter.  
  
_Dear Willow and Tara,  
  
I hope it's okay that I wrote one letter for both of you. You two seem so together, it's hard to pull you apart in my mind. I'm always surprised when I see one of you without the other.  
  
Tara, thank you for helping me so much when Mom died. It really helped, knowing that you had gone through that same terrible loss and heart wrenching grief. I really appreciate the time you've spent with Dawn, too. I know it must have been hard getting to know us when you first started coming around, but I'm glad you gave us a chance.  
  
Willow, we've been friends for so long. We've gone through so much together. I want you to know I never could have made it this far without you. I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but I see a strong, mature, happy, wonderful woman. I'm so proud that I can call that woman my friend.  
  
Please help Giles take care of Dawn, I think he's going to need it. I hope you don't mind that I asked him to do it, but I've always thought of him as my father, so it seemed right. I know that you two will be there for her anyway, even if she's not your responsibility.  
  
I know you will have a wonderful life together. You have such love, you can't help but be happy. Being around you makes me happy, just because you glow with joy when you are together.  
  
I love you both so much,  
  
Buffy  
_  
"I never knew Buffy was so poetic," Willow said softly through her tears. "I mean, she spent so much time killing things, it doesn't seem like she would spend her spare time reading poetry."  
  
"She once quoted Elizabeth Barrett Browning to me," Tara mused. "I remember saying I was surprised. She looked really embarrassed, and muttered about love poems, then she ran out to kill something."  
  
"Thank you for making me open the letter, Tara." Willow leaned in to kiss her lover. They leaned their foreheads together and read the letter again.

* * *

Xander sat down with his letter in his hands. Anya looked at him impatiently.  
  
"Well?" she said.  
  
"Well, what?"  
  
"Aren't you going to open it?"  
  
"Buffy wrote it for us to open after she died. She's not dead so I'm not going to open it," Xander stated stubbornly.  
  
Anya leaned forward and looked Xander directly in the eye. "It has my name on it too, and I want to read it. Give." Xander handed it over immediately.  
  
Anya ripped it open and pulled out the paper.  
  
_Dear Xander and Anya,  
  
I wish I'd said this to you before. I wish you two knew how much you meant to me when I was still around to enjoy you. Well, all I can do is hope that you already know how much I love you both.  
  
Anya, you are an original. You never fail to make me laugh, even when you don't mean to. I love that about you. Thank you for helping us so much over the past few years. Your insight and connections helped us immeasurably. Thank you for loving Xander, too. He deserves someone as wonderful as you.  
  
Xander, you've been beside me ever since I arrived in Sunnydale. Sorry about that. Seriously, I can't thank you enough for putting your life on the line so many times, for risking so much. You've always been the optimist, the hopeful joker. You keep us laughing, and grounded, and real. I know you are so much more to us, but I don't have words to describe how much I love you and need you. I'm so glad you are so happy and successful now.  
  
I know this is a big request to make, but help Giles look after Dawn. I asked everyone to help, even Spike. Somehow, I think it's going to take all of you to take care of her. Also, since Spike is helping us now, Xander do you think you could possibly lay off the poor guy? Not totally, of course, just don't drive him away.  
  
You two are so special. I hope you knew even before this letter how important you are to me, and to the group. Don't ever sell yourself short, Xander. You have so much to offer – your sense of humour, your willingness to help, your wonderful, brave heart, though I think that belongs to Anya now. I wish you both the best of luck and so much success, financial and otherwise.  
_  
_Love Always,  
  
Buffy  
_  
Xander looked down at Anya. "She's right you know," he said. "My heart does belong to you."  
  
Anya looked touched by his admission, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'm glad she's not dead," she whispered.  
  
Xander choked back an utterly inappropriate laugh at Anya's totally serious comment. "Me too, An, me too."  
  
"I'm even gladder that you're not dead."  
  
"Me too."

* * *

Finally everyone started looking around, furtively wiping away tears, and in some cases, hiding gentle smiles.  
  
Giles took that as his cue to regain everyone's attention. "Well, there's very little we can do to carry out Buffy's wishes tonight. Most of us are still required to stay in the hospital until tomorrow morning, but Dawn, you're not required to be here. Would you prefer to go home?"  
  
Dawn initially looked excited at the prospect, but then her face fell. "Whose gonna come with me? I'm pretty sure Xander wants to stay here with Anya."  
  
"I was hoping Spike could look after getting you home safely. Spike, are you okay with that?" the Watcher asked politely.  
  
Spike was pleased and flattered at Giles' pleasant tone. "Yeah, sure, Giles, I'll watch the Little Bit."  
  
Dawn was smiling again, happy that she could sleep in her own bed, in her own pyjamas. She hopped out of the chair, anxious to be away. "Is there anything else, Giles?"  
  
"Nothing that can't wait until we are discharged. See you tomorrow Dawn, Spike," Giles smiled tolerantly.  
  
Dawn tried to pull Spike from the room, but he was immovable. "You, uh, need a hand getting back to your room, Giles?" Spike asked quietly.  
  
Giles looked up in thanks. "Please, Spike, I'm feeling far too exhausted and sore to make it back across the hall."  
  
"'Bit, could you grab a wheelchair?"  
  
Dawn skipped off to get a wheelchair. Spike and Giles eyed each other. "Do you want me to patrol tonight, Giles?" Spike asked, desperate to end the silence.  
  
"We've found the night after an apocalypse is pretty quiet. I wouldn't bother, just stay with Dawn."  
  
"Yeah, okay, no problem."  
  
Dawn was back with the wheelchair, thankfully ending the conversation. Spike and Dawn gingerly helped the Watcher into the chair, then wheeled him across the hall and helped him into bed.  
  
Giles heaved a sigh of relief once he was in bed. Sitting upright seemed to pull on the stitches in his side. He waved goodnight to Dawn and Spike, and closed his eyes, thankful to be able to sleep.  
  
Dawn and Spike headed for the elevator. Away from everyone else, Dawn seemed suddenly hesitant. Spike questioned her about it. "Spit it out 'bit. What do you want?"  
  
"I want, can, I mean, may we look in on Buffy before we head out?"  
  
Spike instantly softened. "Of course, Dawnie."  
  
Upstairs in ICU, a different nurse was on duty, but she waved them through with as much kindness at the day nurse. Buffy lay in her bed, as still and silent as before. Dawn caught up Buffy's hand with her own.  
  
"Hey Buffy. I wanted you to know we read the letters you wrote for us. I hope it's okay. I know you're not dead, but you're not here either. I needed to hear the things you wrote me." Dawn paused for a long moment, and then went on in a much harder voice. "Don't even think of sacrificing yourself for me again, though. I need my sister way too much. Please don't leave me, Buffy." Dawn leaned down to hug Buffy. "Good night. I'll see you in the morning." Dawn moved to the door, assuming they'd be on their way. She was touched to see Spike move to where she had stood only a moment before, clasp Buffy's hand and lean down to whisper inaudible in Buffy's ear, then kiss the unresponsive girl on the forehead.  
  
"All right, 'bit, what are we waiting for? Giles will stake me if I keep you out much later."  
  
Dawn followed Spike out the door. As they reached the elevator, her curiosity got the better of her. "What did you say to Buffy, Spike?"  
  
"None of your business, Dawn."

* * *

The tiny spark that was Buffy danced with joy when she sensed Dawn and Spike coming. Until this, she'd never given much consideration to how boring being in a coma must be.  
  
Dimly, she felt Dawn clasp her physical hand, and desperately tried to answer in kind, but her body was unresponsive. Frustrated yet accepting, she relaxed, listening to Dawn. Suddenly hearing Dawn talk about reading the letters she'd left, she stiffened. Those letters were a goodbye, intended for her friends if she died. For a moment, she was incensed. Then, as Dawn continued speaking about how the contents made her feel, Buffy relaxed. Dawn was right. The things in those letters were things she should have made sure her friends knew long ago. Of course, when Dawn revealed her anger regarding Buffy's decision to sacrifice herself to save her sister, Buffy again wished, albeit briefly, that the letters had stayed secret.  
  
Finally Dawn bent to hug her, and she warmed with the love she felt radiating from the younger girl. As Dawn moved away, Spike came closer. Buffy was intrigued to know what Spike thought of the letter. A faint pink glow lit the flame that was her essence when Spike bent down and whispered warmly in her ear. "Thanks for trusting me, love."  
  
All too soon she was alone again.

* * *

Spike hurried Dawn through darkened streets. Despite what Giles said about the post-apocalypse calmness, Spike really didn't want to get in a fight when he had Dawn to protect. He breathed a sigh of relief when they were finally safe inside the Summers' home.  
  
Dawn was happy to see home. She felt grubby from the dust the previous night and sleeping in her clothes all day. She immediately went upstairs and started the shower.  
  
Spike flopped to the couch and grabbed the remote control. About to settle in front of the television, he noticed the mess around him. He groaned. He'd made the mess, he'd have to clean it up, even though he'd done it for a good reason. Fortunately, it only took about ten minutes.  
  
About half an hour later, he heard Dawn coming downstairs. He sat up to give the girl some space on the couch. She sat down beside him quietly, not caring what they watched, just needing some company.  
  
Finally, about midnight, Spike looked at Dawn. She'd fallen asleep about thirty minutes before, and was now slumped against him. With a low groan, he swung her up in his arms and carried her to her room, laying her gently on the bed. As he turned to go, he heard a small voice.  
  
"Don't go."  
  
He turned back. Dawn lay were he'd placed her, but her eyes were open and staring at him fearfully.  
  
"Please, stay with me tonight."  
  
About to demur, he stopped. Her eyes glistened with tears, and as he watched, a crystal droplet snaked its way down her cheek. Saying nothing more, he settled himself on the floor. Her hand reached out, seeking for his. When she found it, a tiny sigh escaped her lips and she relaxed, dropping back into sleep.

* * *

Woohoo, I finally finished chapter 6! It felt like I would never get this done, and I'm sorry for taking so long posting.  
  
Many thanks to all of those who sent me reviews. They were much appreciated as I struggled with the demons that dragged me away from the computer – laundry, work, Tae Kwon Do, eating, you know, real life. Without you, this might never have gotten finished.  
  
Special thanks to ms trick, who keeps emailing me and keeping my spirits high, and thrilled me to pieces by quoting me back to me.  
  
I try to email everyone directly to thank them for their reviews, but since I can't get through to kori hime and Harm Marie, I'll thank you here (again, cause you are so awesome and keep sending me reviews). Thanks! I'm glad you liked the chapter and felt that it did a good job of keeping Buffy as a character despite her coma. Thanks also for mentioning that you liked the colour/flame as Buffy "essence" or whatever I'm calling it this chapter.  
  
Thanks to everyone for being so patient, and I hope this (long) chapter makes up for it.  
  
GarniGal  
  
PS – This chapter title is part of a sonnet from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese. It's number 14, if you are interested. 


	7. All the World is Changed

The distant ringing of a telephone woke Dawn from a deep, dreamless sleep. Warm and comfortable, she thought briefly of ignoring it. Surely Buffy would answer it soon. As the phone continued ringing, her brow wrinkled in irritation. She sat up in bed and rubbed her blurry eyes. About to yell angrily for her sister to get the phone, she spied Spike, still slumbering on the floor. Suddenly the events of the past 24 hours came back in a rush.  
  
_She waits with bated breath for rescue. First Doc appears, but her relief is short-lived when the grandfatherly demon reveals his true allegiances. Then she sees Spike. Surely the vampire is strong enough to save her. But the battle is decided not by strength but by cunning, and Spike is sent tumbling through the darkness. Finally her saviour, her sister, appears. Effortlessly Buffy bests Doc and releases Dawn from her bonds. They struggle down the crumbling tower hand in hand. What still seems too far above the ground, Buffy urges Dawn to jump. Xander, loyal and true, catches her. But Buffy has no one to catch her. With a smile, she jumps, floats, falls...  
_  
Shaking free of the terrifying memories, Dawn leapt from the bed and raced for the phone. She cursed softly when it stopped ringing before she reached it. 'If it was important, they'd call back,' she thought, trudging into the kitchen to retrieve the cordless phone.  
  
Keeping the white handset within easy reach, she considered her options. Back to bed, or breakfast and cartoons? What she really wanted was to go straight to the hospital, but, rebellious teen or not, Spike and Giles would take turns killing her if she ventured outside without an escort.  
  
Dawn decided she wasn't really tired, so she grabbed a foil-wrapped packet of Pop-Tarts and the phone and went to the living room to settle in front of the television. Just as she got comfortable, the phone rang and Spike appeared at the foot of the stairs.  
  
Dawn answered the phone before the end of the first ring. "Hello?" she asked breathlessly. Her face fell. She'd hoped to hear Buffy's voice. Instead it was Giles, who, hearing the hope in her girlish tones, immediately informed here that there was no change in her sister's condition.  
  
Giles continued, "is Spike there?"  
  
"Yeah, just a second." Dawn held the phone out to Spike. "Giles wants you." She smirked to herself at the double entendre.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes at Dawn while he greeted Giles. "Hey, Giles, what do you need?"  
  
Dawn waited impatiently. From her perspective, the conversation consisted of a lot of 'yeah's', 'okay's', and agreeable 'uh huh's'. Finally Spike ended the call and sat on the sofa beside her.  
  
"Well?" Dawn blurted out, frustration getting the best of her.  
  
Spike grinned, but shared Giles' information with the young girl. "They are just getting discharged now. Xander left a little while ago to get his car; he's going to drive everyone home. Giles is going to spend the day packing, and then tonight we'll go over and help him carry stuff. So it looks like you're stuck with me for one more day. What do you want to do?"  
  
Dawn looked sly. "Well, I was thinking of Saturday morning cartoons, but..." She clicked off the TV and stared at Spike with avid eyes. "Tell me more stories of rampaging through Europe!"

* * *

Giles grimaced slightly as he eased himself into the passenger seat of Xander's car. Xander looked at him with concern.  
  
"You okay, G-man?" he whispered, voice covered by the sound of Anya and Willow arguing in the back seat.  
  
Giles smiled at Xander reassuringly. "I'm fine, Xander. It just pulls a bit when I sit down."  
  
Xander opened his mouth, but anything he intended to say was drowned by the voices of the girls behind him.  
  
"Stop crowding me!" Anya shouted. "I don't understand why I have to be crushed back here with you two. It's my car, well, Xander's and mine. I should be in the front, not stuck back here." She crossed her arms and pouted, elbowing Willow as she did so.  
  
Willow's eyes flashed. "You are the most selfish, self-centred..."  
  
Xander thought he should cut them all off before the battle got out of hand. "So I'll drop you off first, An. You'll feel better once you lie down. I'll drive by the school and leave you girls next, then I'll take Giles home. Sound good, all?" Xander asked jovially.  
  
Faint grumbling came from Anya and Willow, but they both realized Xander wasn't willing to put up with any of their sniping. Tara looked at Xander with grateful eyes. She was still pretty worn from Glory's invasion of her mind and then doing magic with Willow. She hated listening to anyone argue, and Willow and Anya's spiteful backbiting was especially uncomfortable. She closed her eyes and settled back against the headrest, her stomach unclenching as the grumbling faded to silence.  
  
At the apartment, Xander helped Anya to the door. As he unlocked the door for her, he looked down at his feet and cleared his throat. "Anya, I know I said I'd drop everyone off and hurry back here to look after you, but I think..."  
  
"You have to help Giles," Anya sighed. "I heard you in the car. With all the packing he has to do, and the pain he's in, he's going to need you to carry stuff. Look, I'm going to rest for a while, and then I'll pick up pizza and take it to Giles'. Does that sound good?"  
  
Xander looked at her with happy surprise. "That's great, Anya! I love you." He quickly kissed her goodbye and headed to the car.  
  
Anya pulled him back for another kiss. "You are such a generous and good friend, Xander. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you, too."  
  
Xander paused, arm outstretched to clasp Anya's hand. His eyes shone with such love that the older woman passing him gasped in envy. "You're a good man, Charlie Brown," he whispered. Then he took off for the car.  
  
Anya muttered to herself as she closed the door to the apartment. "Charlie Brown? But my name is Anya. I hope he gets my name right during our wedding vows."  
  
Xander turned the car onto the University of California Sunnydale Campus. At the girls' building, he again hopped out and escorted Tara and Willow to the door. Briefly he described Giles' wince, and that he thought he'd better go and help the older man pack for his move to the Summers' household. Willow immediately looked concerned.  
  
"Is there anything we can do?" she asked.  
  
"Anya's going to take a rest and then come over around 6 o'clock with pizza. Wanna bring dessert?" Xander smiled impishly.  
  
Tara smiled crookedly while Willow winked at Xander. "Sure, see you at 6ish."  
  
Xander turned to go, but was stopped by a soft hand on his arm. It was Willow, looking sheepish. "Umm, sorry about arguing with Anya in the car. I was just being childish."  
  
Xander smiled again. "That means a lot Will." He bent to give the redhead a hug. "I love you, and I love her. I want you two to love each other." He thought about that for a minute, then turned to Tara. "But not in that way, you know?"  
  
Tara nodded seriously, hiding her smile.  
  
Xander waved and headed back to Giles. Willow turned to go inside, but stopped when she realized Tara wasn't moving.  
  
"Tara, baby, you okay? You look kinda funny."  
  
"You just made Xander's day by apologizing." Tara looked at Willow with soft eyes. "And it just made me realize how much I love you." They walked hand in hand into the dorm, sneaking loving glances all the while.  
  
Xander drove silently to Giles' apartment. When he'd arrived back at the car, Giles had fallen asleep, and Xander was loath to wake the older man. As he pulled into the drive and parked, he put a finger to his mouth to chew a nail. Should he wake Giles, or just let him sleep? he wondered, letting the car idle. If Giles was in as much pain as his grimace suggested, he probably needed the sleep to heal, to escape from the discomfort. On the other hand, there was a lot to do, and Giles claimed he was okay. Surely Giles knew better than Xander what his own body could handle. Just as Xander made up his mind to wake the Watcher, Giles snapped upright with a gasp.  
  
"Uh, we're here?" Xander offered, trying to disguise his concern.  
  
"Yes, thank you, Xander. I really appreciate you driving me home." Giles pulled himself out of the car, moving very slowly. Xander hurried out and around the car to assist.  
  
Giles was surprised by Xander's gentleness and concern. The young man often seemed like a puppy: clumsy and hyper, constantly breaking anything fragile and making a mess on the carpet. Mentally he reminded himself that Xander was growing up, as even the most awkward puppy must. Xander was becoming a man, and a caring, considerate and intelligent man at that.  
  
Xander trailed behind the Watcher to the apartment door. He followed the older man into the dark, humid room. "Whoa, G-man, it's hot in here," Xander exclaimed as Giles lowered himself to the sofa. "Let me turn on the air conditioner." Xander hurried to the thermostat to lower the temperature, then joined Giles on the sofa.  
  
Giles watched all this through heavy-lidded eyes. He felt so exhausted and sore that he really didn't know how he was going to face packing up. He probably didn't need much at Buffy's, though. He was keeping the apartment, so all the big objects and furniture could stay here. He'd pack up the food in the kitchen. Of course he'd need his clothes. He also had a small but valuable collection of jewellery and heirlooms. He'd better take that. Most of the books and magic supplies and weapons were at the Magic Box, but the items he had here needed to go with him. He groaned. The more he thought about it, the more overwhelming it seemed. If he could just get rid of Xander, he could have a little nap. Surely he'd feel better after a bit of a rest, and be able to face packing.  
  
Hauling himself upright, Giles cleared his throat. "Well, Xander, I'd better let you go. I'm sure you're needed at home, and I've got a lot of packing to do." He looked expectantly at Xander, waiting for the young man to rush out the door.  
  
Xander did stand up, but didn't immediately leave. "Um, Giles, you're looking pretty tough. I don't think... that is, you can't... I'm here to help you pack up."  
  
Giles was flabbergasted. He tried to assure Xander he was fine, but Xander obstinately refused to leave. "Giles, you're injured, you're in pain, and now you have to pack up your life and move in with a 14 year-old. No one should go through that alone."  
  
At first Giles considered arguing. He was an adult, he certainly didn't need Xander, of all people, telling him he needed help. He stood up to assert his authority, but then looked at Xander. The young man stood in front of him, obviously upset to disagree with Giles, but just as obviously having no intention of leaving. Instead of trying to send Xander away, Giles simply sighed.  
  
"Thanks Xander. I do feel pretty battered. Why don't I go upstairs and pack my clothes and personal items, while you grab the books, weapons, and magic supplies. You know where I keep all those items."  
  
"I'll just head out and get some boxes first, Giles. Can I take your key so I don't have to make you come back downstairs to let me in?"  
  
Silently Giles handed over the key and headed upstairs.  
  
Xander practically ran for the door. He knew Giles didn't really want his help, but he also knew the older man was in far worse shape than he was letting on. Giles seemed to forget he wasn't a witch or a Slayer or a vampire. Even Xander, who had no special skills at all, had the advantage of youth. He'd just go and get some boxes and some lunch, giving Giles some time to accept the fact that today he needed Xander's help.  
  
Upstairs, Giles had his head in the closet. His hand was wrapped around the handle of a suitcase, but no matter how he tugged, it wouldn't move. Finally, furiously, he gave a tremendous pull. The suitcase tumbled loose, and Giles fell over backwards, pulling the suitcase with him. It landed on his stomach, sending shooting pains through his injured abdomen. He cursed fluently, lying on his back on the floor, surrounded by a mess he created and barely able to breathe because of the exceptional pain.  
  
Eventually, the pain receded, and he realized how foolish he'd been. He was injured, heart-sore, and about to begin on the most difficult challenge of his life. Why did he feel the need to handle it on his own, beginning with packing with no assistance? Smiling ruefully, he climbed to his feet. He laid the suitcase on the bed and slowly, tiredly, began putting his clothes and personal items from the closet inside. After only a few moments of work he slowed even more, dropping his arms to his sides. Longingly he looked at the bed, and then glanced thoughtfully at his watch. Xander had said he was going to get boxes, but he hadn't eaten yet today. The young man was bound to be hungry. Knowing Xander, he'd walk past a restaurant, suddenly realize he was starving, and forget all about Giles for an hour or two. Giles smiled as he lay down. Just 15 minutes, the Watcher thought. Then back to work.  
  
An hour later, Xander opened the door to Giles' apartment and stumbled inside. He dropped the unassembled boxes in the middle of the room before heading back to the car to get the rest of the packing supplies he'd purchased. When Xander moved from his parents' basement to his great new apartment with Anya, he'd just grabbed boxes from the grocery store and tossed his possessions into them. When he unpacked, several of his more fragile Star Trek action figures had been broken. With all of Giles' precious and magical artefacts, Xander figured he'd better spring for proper packing material, including bubble wrap, packing peanuts, and strong boxes.  
  
Xander plunked himself in the middle of the room and began assembling the boxes. All too soon that was finished, and with a sigh, he approached the bookshelves. He pulled a stack of books, and was about to dump them into a box when he flashed back to a five year old memory.  
  
_"Xander, if you bend the spine or drop another of my books, I swear you'll not see another sunrise." Giles looked sternly at the teen. "Look at this," the librarian muttered, grabbing a demonology from the bottom of the pile. "This book is three hundred years old, in perfect condition. Six weeks in the hands of this philistine and it's covered in jelly and sugar from doughnuts, the spine is broken, and there's a watermark from a soda can on the calfskin binding! You learn to treat my books better, or I'll re-cover them all in human skin," Giles threatened, hugging the damaged book to his chest.  
_  
Guiltily, Xander looked around to make sure Giles hadn't seen his near mistreatment of the books. Carefully, he set the books into the box, ensuring they weren't packed too tightly so they wouldn't be damaged during unpacking.  
  
Eventually, the bookshelf was empty and five boxes were full. The magic supplies all fit into a single box, but everything had to be carefully wrapped in silk to prevent accidental magical interactions. Some of those herbs were very volatile. The weapons had been collected and returned to the battered green metal lockers Giles had picked up at the Army Surplus a couple of years before. They were heavy, but still manageable, and at least the bottom wasn't going to fall out with the weight, the way cardboard would.  
  
Xander swiped his brow. A faint sheen of sweat stood out on his forehead, and he went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Feeling a bit cooler for the drink, he glanced absently at his watch. It was after 3 pm. He'd dropped Giles off at 11, been gone an hour for lunch and shopping, then packed for three hours! His eyebrows shot up. Four hours, and Giles was still upstairs, packing his clothes? He dropped the glass in the sink and bolted up the stairs, calling for Giles.  
  
In the bedroom, Giles mumbled in his sleep. Something was teasing at his consciousness, and it was getting louder and more insistent. When the door burst open with a crash, he sat bolt upright with a small scream. His eyes met Xander's panicked gaze, and he leapt from the bed, searching for the vampire or demon that was attacking. There was nothing. Eventually the pounding of his heart slowed, and the rushing of blood in his ears subsided. He turned back to Xander, who still stood in the doorway, looking abashed.  
  
"You couldn't let me sleep for ten minutes, Xander? Surely you can pack books without my supervision," Giles said scathingly.  
  
Xander bristled at the tone. "Ten minutes? Listen, Giles, you've been up here for four hours! I've got boxes and packing supplies, and I've packed all the books, magic supplies and weapons. What've you been doing? All I see here is one mostly empty suitcase, and a puddle of drool on your pillow."  
  
Giles was stunned. He'd slept for four hours? He glanced at the clock, and then looked sheepishly at the still angry young man. "Sorry, Xander. I was just going to take a nap. I must've been more exhausted than I thought."  
  
Xander visibly softened. "You feel any better for the rest?"  
  
"Surprisingly, yes. In fact, I'm starving."  
  
The argument forgotten, Giles and Xander headed down to the kitchen. Xander grimaced when he saw the glass shards in the sink. "Sorry Giles. When I realized you'd been upstairs, silent, for four hours, I panicked. I'll clean that up." He carefully picked shards out of the drain and dumped them in the garbage while Giles rummaged in the fridge.  
  
Finally, Giles pulled out some eggs. "I haven't eaten anything yet today, and I'm really craving breakfast. Care for an omelette, Xander? It'll save me having to pack the eggs."  
  
"I could eat. How can I help?"  
  
In companionable silence, the two men set about making omelettes. Xander chopped onions, meat and cheese, while Giles whisked eggs and milk and gently cooked them in a frying pan. In just a few minutes, they sat down to fluffy omelettes and toast.  
  
Comfortably full, and much more relaxed, Xander leaned back in his chair. He really wanted to just relax, but he knew there was still a lot to do before Giles would be ready to move.  
  
Xander watched Giles push back his chair, and rose with him, following the older man into the living room. "It certainly looks barren with no books on the shelves," Giles said ruefully. Xander nodded agreement. Giles shook off his bemusement, and headed for the stairs. "Well, I still have to pack my clothes and the rest of the stuff upstairs. Other than those and the books and items you've already packed up for me, I'd only planned to take the food with me to Buffy's. Do you think you could make a start in the kitchen?"  
  
Xander nodded agreeably, heading back to the kitchen. "No problem, G-man."  
  
Shaking his head, Giles headed back to the bedroom. His step was much firmer than it had been earlier. He obviously felt much better for having had such a long nap.  
  
In the kitchen, Xander surveyed the mess they'd made while cooking. With a glare at the ceiling, he turned to the sink to do the dishes. He muttered as he turned on the water. "No wonder he wanted me to do the kitchen."

* * *

Dawn's eyes were wide and fixed on the vampire in front of her.  
  
"So, in my deepest, most menacing voice I said 'stand aside, young man. Don't you recognize the headmaster when you see him? I'll have your badge for this!' and stalked past him as he started stammering an apology. Once I got past that, it was smooth sailing.  
  
The young girl laughed in disbelief, almost falling off the couch in the process. "Seriously? You impersonated the headmaster at the school you went to as a boy just so you could eat him?"  
  
Spike smiled proudly. "Practically the first thing I did after I was turned. Look, 'bit, it's like this: everyone has someone they hate, someone they wish they were strong enough to punish. With Darla, it was her pimp, Angel, his family, for me, it was Headmaster Wilkins. When you become a vampire, you have all this strength, and no moral conscience to prevent you from doing the worst."  
  
"Firstly, Darla had a pimp? How come no one told me that? Secondly, what did this Wilkins guy do that was so bad? Thirdly, why didn't you just eat the gatekeeper, too?"  
  
Now Spike dropped his head in his hands. "Firstly, don't ever let Buffy know that I told you about Darla, secondly, it's stupid, and thirdly, I didn't even think of it."  
  
"Some big bad you are, sneaking in instead of killing everything in your path," Dawn teased.  
  
"That's pretty much what Dru said, only less insane."  
  
"Tell me what Wilkins did," Dawn demanded, returning to their previous conversation.  
  
"I told you, it's stupid." Dawn merely looked at Spike until the vampire finally sighed and started speaking.  
  
"I was eight and it was Christmas break. It was my first year at boarding school, and I was really excited to go home. I was running in the main hall towards the front door, and I ran right into the Headmaster. I was just a wee mite, and the bigger kids had told us all these stories about how mean he was to little kids, about getting the strap, or he'd feed you nothing but water and porridge if he didn't like you. So I'm eight, I've been caught running in the halls, and I'm terrified. I freeze. He bends down to me, grabs my shoulder and propels me into his office. He... he made me stand in the corner while we waited for my mother to collect me. When she got there, he made me tell her why I was being punished. Then I stood outside while they talked inside. I couldn't hear what they said, but all the kids pointed and laughed as they left the building with their families. When Mother finally came out, she was smiling. Thought the pillock was a funny bloke, I guess. He bent down me again, and said, 'now, William, I guess you won't be running in the halls anymore," with this satisfied smirk and nasty little laugh. I hated and feared him in that moment. I never got over it."  
  
Dawn stared at the vampire silently. Finally she spoke. "You're right, that is stupid."  
  
"Hey, I was eight!"  
  
"Apparently, you stayed eight. Oh, I hate the man who made me stand in the corner, so scary, must eat him now that I can," Dawn smirked, laughing at the ridiculousness of the conversation.  
  
Spike pouted. "Last time I ever tell you a story."  
  
For a brief moment, they sat in silence, glaring at each other. Soon, however, a small smile tugged at Dawn's lips. Unable to resist the teen, Spike smiled back. "So, Little Bit, what should we do now?"  
  
Dawn stretched as she looked at the clock. "Damn," she pouted. "We really need to clear out Mom's bedroom for Giles before tonight."  
  
Spike winced. "Is that going to be okay, 'bit? Can you handle it?"  
  
"What? Oh! It's mostly cleared out. Buffy and I went through Mom's things a couple of weeks after she died. But it hasn't been vacuumed, the sheets need to be changed, and there's still some knick-knacks and stuff in there. Be nice to give Giles a room of his own while he's here, since he's giving up so much to take care of me," Dawn finished wistfully.  
  
"You're a sweetheart, you know that, Dawn?" Spike smiled at the girl. "Got any boxes in the basement to put the stuff in?"  
  
"Yeah, Buffy picked up some boxes last week."  
  
Spike looked steadily at Dawn for a long moment. "Does that mean she knew we'd be having to do this?"  
  
"What? Oh! You mean, she expected us to have to clean out Mom's room for Giles?" Dawn took a deep breath. "When she wakes up, I'm really going to give her a piece of my mind."  
  
Spike laughed. "Okay, Nibblet. I'll go to the basement and get a couple of boxes if you grab the vacuum. Meet you up in Joyce's room?"  
  
"Race you there, Spike!" Dawn squealed and sprang towards the closet.  
  
The vampire laughed at the girl's antics, pleased that she was handling the situation so well and set off at a trot for the basement. Once downstairs, a quick glance showed him a pile of boxes, many more than would be needed to clear out a few knick-knacks. His smile faded. "Oh, Buffy. You really didn't think you were coming home, did you?" he whispered. He looked upstairs, listening for Dawn. She was still struggling with the vacuum hanging in the closet. He had a few moments. He couldn't bear the thought of Dawn coming down here, seeing all the boxes, and realizing yet again that Buffy never expected to live through the battle. Hurriedly he flattened all but two of the boxes, sticking them behind the water heater. Then he grabbed the remaining boxes and sprinted up the stairs, passing Dawn on the stairs.  
  
"Gee, thanks so much for your help, Spike," Dawn hollered after him.  
  
"You're the one who turned it into a race, Little Bit," Spike laughed. He set the boxes outside Joyce's door, and then returned to help Dawn with the vacuum. Picking up the vacuum with ease, he allowed Dawn to precede him down the hallway.  
  
Dawn opened the door and walked into the darkened room. Crossing to the window, she flung open the window to allow air to circulate, being careful not to open the blinds for fear of burning Spike. She turned around to survey the room and get an idea of what needed to be done, only to be arrested by the sight of Spike hovering uncertainly in the doorway.  
  
"Relax, Spike, the blinds are closed, the sun can't get you here," Dawn teased. Spike turned anguished eyes on the teen. "Spike? What's wrong?" she asked, hurrying to his side.  
  
Spike looked down at Dawn with solemn eyes. "Your mum was a great lady, Dawn. I still miss her. This room, it still smells like she lives here, you know?"  
  
Dawn's eyes filled with tears as she looked around the room and sniffed the stale air. She couldn't smell anything that reminded her of her mother, but her mind flew back to all the years the three Summers women had lived in this house. She remembered storming in here to complain about Buffy, or sitting and watching her mother get dressed up for a date or special event. For a moment, the dim room was filled with shadows of the past, but, after an instant, the images receded, becoming once again the bittersweet memories she'd tucked into the recesses of her mind to enjoy when the pain went away. Dawn took a deep breath and looked up at Spike. "Yeah, Mom was wonderful. I have great memories of her. We all do, even you. We don't need a room to remember her. We'll never forget." Dawn blinked away tears, and moved to the bed to begin stripping the linens from it.  
  
Spike blinked. Sometimes he was startled by Dawn's maturity and perception. Despite her youth, Dawn had experienced a lot in her short life. Even without her true identity as the Key, dealing with her parents' divorce, their move to Sunnydale, her sister's apparent misbehaviour and the truth behind it, and her mother's illness and sudden death made Dawn an unusual 14 year old. As the sheets hit him in the face, Spike reconsidered. Maybe Dawn wasn't that unusual after all, looking at the giggling girl.  
  
"What were you thinking about, that I got the drop on you like that?" Dawn asked, laughing.  
  
"I was thinking how mature and perceptive you were, how much you've gone through, and how grown up you are. Then I changed my mind," Spike taunted, piling the sheets and blankets in a corner and returning to the hallway to retrieve the boxes he'd brought up from the basement.  
  
Dawn stuck her tongue out at him, and then began directing him to collect the few knick-knacks remaining on the dresser and bedside table. "And make sure you wrap them in tissue so they don't get broken. When you finish that, put all the stuff on the walls in a box as well."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
They worked in companionable silence for a few moments. Dawn retreated to the basement with the linens and started a load of laundry, returning with her arms full of fresh sheets from the linen closet.  
  
"Spike, could you help me turn the mattress over? Mom always did that when we were spring cleaning, but we didn't do it this year."  
  
The vampire sauntered over and easily turned the heavy and unwieldy mattress over.  
  
"Or you could show off how strong you are and do it yourself. That's what Buffy does too," Dawn pouted.  
  
Spike grinned to himself and returned to his assigned duties while Dawn made the bed. With that task accomplished, she moved to the closet. When Buffy and Dawn went through their mother's things before, they'd simply made six piles: things Dawn wanted, things Buffy wanted, things to display in other parts of the house, things for charity, things to toss, and things they couldn't bear to get rid of but didn't want to display. The objects in the last group were boxed and the boxes returned to the closet. Dawn viewed these boxes with misgiving. They'd planned to go through this stuff later and figure out what to do. She really didn't want to go through those boxes without Buffy. As she recalled, the contents included her mother's favourite clothes, some pictures of Joyce and Hank in happier days, and Joyce's diaries. Dawn chewed her thumb and tried to think of what to do.  
  
"What do you want me to do with these boxes?" Spike's voice startled her.  
  
"I'm just trying to figure out where to put this stuff," Dawn confessed. "There's not really a lot of storage space, and Giles will need this closet for his own belongings. Is there much space in the basement?" Dawn asked.  
  
Spike silently congratulated himself on his foresight for collapsing the boxes he'd found in the basement. "Yeah, there's some space on the shelves down there. There are only four boxes, right? I think they'll fit." Spike picked up the two boxes he'd packed and led the way downstairs, Dawn trailing behind with a single box.  
  
In the basement, they set about reorganizing the shelves to make room for the packed boxes. At one point, Dawn left, and returned with the final box and a marker. She carefully noted the contents of each box on the outside before Spike placed them on a shelf.  
  
Back upstairs, Dawn vacuumed the bedroom while Spike ran a damp rag over the surfaces. Dawn suppressed a snicker at the picture of domesticity the vampire made as he dusted the furniture.  
  
Finally they both stood back and admired the job they had done cleaning the bedroom. The air was much fresher and the room looked somewhat less feminine. There was nothing they could do about the floral wallpaper though. Giles would just have to live with that.  
  
Dawn stretched and glanced at the clock. "Wow! It's 4 o'clock! No wonder I'm hungry. Some babysitter you are, letting your charge starve to death," Dawn teased, heading for the kitchen.  
  
They both prepared some food, Spike having had the foresight to bring some blood with him the night before. They sat at the island in the kitchen, enjoying their respective meals, though Dawn tried not to look at Spike's mug too closely.  
  
With everything prepared for Giles' arrival, they settled back in front of the TV for the rest of the afternoon. At about 5 o'clock, the phone rang. It was Willow, letting them know that everyone was meeting at Giles' place in an hour to have supper and help with the move.  
  
Spike eyed the sky. "We'll probably be a little late," he told the witch. "After the past couple of days, I really don't fancy a dash through the sunshine. We'll probably be there around 6:30. Save us some food?"  
  
Willow laughed and agreed.  
  
Dawn flipped to the Weather Channel. "Spike, sunset isn't until 7:53 tonight. You're still going to have to outrun the sun."  
  
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Nibblet. By quarter after six, that big tree in your yard shades the car, so I can amble out with not a care in the world. Your mom's car has tinted windows, so I can drive no problem. It takes about 15 minutes to get to Giles', and by that time the sun is so low in the sky that the whole street is shaded. Trust me Dawnie, if there's one thing a vampire knows, it's where the shady spots are. Besides, if we want any food at all we'd better get there sooner rather than later. Have you ever seen those people eat?"

* * *

Giles surveyed the bedroom. The room looked huge with only the bed and dresser in it. All of his personal effects had either been packed in the suitcases to go to the Summers' or in boxes to keep them from getting dusty.  
  
The Watcher sat on the bed and surveyed his possessions. For over five years, this apartment had been his home. Intended as a haven from the madness that was the Hellmouth, these walls had seen more than their fair share of violence and blood. He shuddered as he looked around, remembering the horror of finding Jenny's cold, bloodless body. After that, he'd really considered moving. He'd stayed in a hotel for a week before he could bring himself to go home. Eventually however, he did return, with the only concession to the ghastliness of the situation being the purchase of a new bed. Instead of letting the sorrow overwhelm him, he used it. Every day this room, this apartment served as a reminder of what he was fighting for, a reminder of the innocents he was helping to protect. Sitting here, he realized he was worried about leaving, not simply because he wasn't prepared to play guardian for a 14 year old who'd been through a horrible year. What if he lost his drive? Without the constant memory of all he'd lost and given up to be a Watcher, to guide Buffy, to fight evil with his own strength, he feared he'd soften. Already he saw Spike as an ally. He thought he'd learned his lesson about trusting vampires when Angel turned on them, but here he was again, relying on a vampire to help defend the world.  
  
Downstairs, Xander rattled things around in the kitchen. The sound startled Giles, breaking him out of his morbid reverie. Counting the pile of suitcases and boxes on the bedroom floor, Giles groaned. He had more than enough trouble in his life right now without worrying that he was going soft. Picking up as much as he could comfortably carry, Giles struggled down the stairs, trying to put his worries out of his mind.  
  
Xander had finished cleaning the kitchen and packed all of the non- perishable food in boxes. He'd looked for a cooler for the items in the fridge, but then decided it would be better to leave that until after dinner. Instead he turned his attention to cleaning the fridge and freezer, throwing out anything past the due date and washing the surfaces. As he'd expected, there was no mouldy food to throw out, and the refrigerator was pretty clean. He was contemplating cleaning the oven when he heard Giles thumping downstairs. He rushed to take the heavy suitcases from the older man.  
  
"Giles, you should have asked me to come and get these," Xander chided. "You'll pull your stitches."  
  
"They weren't that heavy when I started," Giles said, holding his injured side.  
  
"Is there much more upstairs?" Xander asked.  
  
"There are two boxes to go in the closet, and another suitcase to go with me to Buffy's. How many boxes did you fill?"  
  
"There are five boxes of books and supplies, the two metal weapons' chests, and three boxes of non-perishables in the kitchen. I cleaned the fridge, but everything is still in there. Do you even have a cooler?"  
  
"It's in the hall closet," Giles said absently, staring around at the crowded, yet somehow barren, apartment.  
  
Xander followed Giles' eyes. "It looks pretty empty and unlived in, doesn't it? Have you given any thought to what you are going to do with it while you are at Buffy's?"  
  
Giles looked startled. "I was just going to let it sit here. I'll need it again when Buffy wakes up."  
  
"Well, I was thinking while I was cleaning," Xander said bashfully. "The girls, Willow and Tara, they will get kicked out of the dorm at the end of the month. That's only a couple of weeks away. I don't know if they have a place yet, but maybe, if they don't, they could look after this place for you?" Xander finished in a rush.  
  
Giles looked intrigued. "That's a good idea, Xander. I'd hate for something to happen to this place because it's left empty. I'll have to ask them next time I see them."  
  
"Conveniently enough, they'll be here in 20 minutes. Anya's bringing pizza and Willow and Tara are bringing dessert."  
  
Giles looked horrified. "Xander! This place is a mess! I'm hot and sweaty, and neither of us have had a shower for two days! How could you?"  
  
"You needed help packing. You need help moving. You need food. We're helping. Besides, you're family. It doesn't matter that you aren't your usual starched self." Giles still looked appalled at the thought of having guests while he and the apartment were in such a state of disarray. Xander sighed and relented. "You go wash up as much as you can. I'll move boxes around so it doesn't look quite so messy."  
  
Giles headed back upstairs, while Xander began neatly stacking boxes in the corners of the living room. About ten minutes later, Giles came back downstairs, washed and in clean clothes.  
  
Xander, sprawled over the sofa with a glass of water on the floor near his hand, looked up long enough to give Giles two thumbs up. "Looking good, G- man. Feeling better?"  
  
Surveying the room, Giles nodded. The boxes had been tucked unobtrusively into corners, leaving the centre of the room free of obstacles. Giles had just sunk gratefully into the chair opposite Xander when the doorbell rang. Xander quickly hopped up to answer it, waving at Giles to keep him seated.  
  
Willow and Tara stood at the door, looking better rested than they had in the week since Tara's run-in with Glory. Their hair was still damp from the shower and curled gently around their smiling faces. Laughing lightly, they pushed past Xander and straight into the kitchen.  
  
"I baked a cake," Willow carolled as she went past.  
  
Tara sat down by Giles. "Actually, she made cake batter. She's going to bake it now. There's no oven in the dorm."  
  
Giles called to Willow. "I'm glad you didn't attempt to bake it with magic. I've never tried it, but I've heard it can be messy, and you really don't want to eat the results."  
  
"Yeah," Willow said, coming into the living room and sitting on the floor by Tara. "It's one of those things you only try once." She looked thoroughly chastened, and Giles choked, though whether with horror or amusement even he wasn't sure.  
  
The doorbell rang again, and Xander bounded up to greet Anya. The delicious scent of pizza filled the air as Anya entered, laden with six pizza boxes.  
  
"I got everyone's favourite," the brunette said, plunking the boxes on the table. "Veggie for the witches, meat lovers for Xander and Spike, anchovy and pineapple for Giles, pepperoni for me, onion and beef for Dawn and ..." Anya trailed off, looking at the last pizza box. "Oops," She said quietly.  
  
The happy atmosphere died a quick death as they all looked at the pizza. It was loaded with feta cheese, eggplant, sun dried tomatoes and a liberal sprinkling of chicken breast. Buffy's favourite.  
  
After long moments of silence, Giles cleared his throat. "I'm sure someone will eat that, Anya. In fact, it looks delicious." Giles reached out and took a piece. Everyone followed his example, and in a silent toast, raised a slice of pizza to the comatose girl who was never far from their thoughts. Very quickly the box was empty, and Willow quietly put it in a garbage bag.  
  
"Make sure you leave some pizza for Dawn and Spike", she admonished as she sat down again. "They'll be here at about 6:30."  
  
Slowly, the atmosphere brightened as people began chatting again. Giles turned to the witches to ask what their plans for the summer were.  
  
"We both got jobs on campus," Willow said excitedly. "UC Sunnydale runs children's programs all summer, and we got jobs as counsellors. The kids will sleep in the dorm, so we get to stay in our room as part of our jobs. It's going to be great!"  
  
Giles sighed. "That's wonderful, you two. It kind of scuttles my plan though. I was just thinking that if you didn't have a place to stay for the summer, I'd invite you to live here and keep an eye on this place until Buffy gets better. I hate to leave the place empty."  
  
Innocently, Tara offered a suggestion. "Why don't you ask Spike?" Once again, silence filled the room.  
  
Giles flashed back to the thoughts he'd experienced while packing. He'd worried about maintaining his dedication, his righteous indignation in the face of evil. He'd felt simply treating Spike as an ally was abandoning his responsibility. Allowing Spike to actually live in his home would be the ultimate betrayal of Jenny's memory. He opened his mouth to try to explain his discomfort with that suggestion, only to be interrupted by Xander.  
  
"Are you nuts? He's a vampire! He's the embodiment of all things evil, all things that are frightening, and horrible, and dark, and, and, and he's treacherous! He'd as soon kill you as look at you. If he didn't have the chip in his head, we'd all be dead." Xander finally ran out of breath.  
  
Willow winced at Xander's tone. She agreed with everything he said, but Tara really hated confrontation of any sort. Even simply witnessing arguments made her stutter, and Willow feared Tara's reaction to having Xander raise his voice to her. To her surprise, Tara didn't crumble. Instead, she argued back.  
  
"If he's so dangerous, what are we doing leaving Dawn with him? This has nothing to do with him being a vampire, with him being so dangerous," Tara said scornfully. "You treat him like my family treated me. 'You're a demon, but could you make supper and clean the house and where are my clean clothes?' With Spike, it's all 'you're evil and dangerous, and we'll never trust you, but could you look after the 14 year old for a couple of days?' You take advantage of him, of his strength, of his chip, of his love for Buffy and Dawn, without giving him any credit or even a thank you! After all he's gone through, all he's done, still all you see is the fangs, the sunlight allergy, and the past. For people with such open minds to extreme possibilities, you sure are short-sighted when it comes to Spike." With that, Tara turned, intending to storm off into the bathroom and calm down. Instead she froze, caught by Spike's eyes.  
  
Spike and Dawn arrived just as Tara suggested Spike live in Giles' apartment. His superior vampire hearing caught Xander's rant, and he slowed his pace, trying to keep Dawn away from the argument. She felt such loyalty to him she would feel required to defend him, and he didn't want her caught in the middle of this. However, Dawn was hungry and the delicious scent of pizza was hurrying her steps. Unfortunately, as she got closer, she could hear Xander as well, and she stopped, eyes filling as she looked at the vampire who protected her.  
  
When Xander finally stopped yelling, Spike raised his hand to tap on the door. When Tara's voice rang out, defending him, he froze in his tracks. He listened for a moment, hand slowly falling. Beside him, Dawn listened with delight. It was about time someone pointed out how badly they treated Spike. No one ever listened to her when she tried to explain it to them. They wrote her off as too young to understand true evil, patting her on the head and dismissing her. She looked at Spike, who still stood frozen in shock at the notion that anyone would defend him and her heart ached for him. She poked him in the side, trying to get him to open the door. If he didn't walk in now, they would just pretend this conversation never happened, and continue treating him like a dog. He didn't react at all. Finally, frustrated, Dawn slipped in front of him, turning the handle and pushing the door open. She slipped back behind him, out of sight as everyone followed Tara's gaze to the vampire at the door.  
  
Spike finally got himself under control, and tried to act nonchalant. He tried to speak, "hey all, did you save us some pizza?" He was ashamed to realize his voice cracked with emotion. He walked in, smiled brilliantly at Tara on the way by, and then plunked himself on the floor, grabbing a slice of pizza. He was determined to ignore the tension. Despite Tara's defence, he didn't really expect anyone's attitude towards him to change. Too much had happened in the past for them to ever accept him.  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to bring up the topic, but closed it when Spike caught her eyes and shook his head imperceptibility. Angrily she stalked across the room and sat beside Spike, showing her support the only way he would accept.  
  
Silence reigned. Tara went to the bathroom briefly to wash her face. When she returned, the tension was still thick. Xander ate methodically, trying to ignore Spike when he reached across to grab pizza. Spike and Dawn sat quietly together, eating pizza. Willow looked up when she returned, sending her a small smile. Tara could see by the wrinkled brow that Willow was confused by Tara's outburst, but was trying to ignore it. Only Anya seemed completely comfortable and oblivious to the tension.  
  
Giles looked at each person in turn, his gaze lingering on Spike. For a moment, he'd considered ignoring Tara's comments just like everyone else tried to. He thought about finding Jenny's body and all the other bodies he'd had to deal with since arriving in Sunnydale. He thought about Spike's first attempt to kill Buffy. He thought about Spike's deal with Buffy to stop Angelus and Acathla in exchange for his love, Drusilla. He thought about Spike's attack on Willow and the discovery of the chip. He thought about paying Spike for information. He thought about Spike's attempt to prove his love for Buffy by kidnapping her. He thought about Spike's defiance of Glory, despite the torture she'd put him through. He thought about Spike's defence of all of them when they were on the run, his attempts to make them understand that Ben was Glory, his valiant if vain protection of Dawn on the tower. He thought about Spike's heartbreak when they believed Buffy dead, and his bravery at hiding his pain to help keep Dawn together during the aftermath of this apocalypse. He shook his head ruefully. Tara was right. Spike had proven himself again and again, and they treated him like the lowest of the low.  
  
"Spike?" Giles said, breaking the silence. Everyone froze, hands filled with pizza paused in midair, halfway to mouths. "How do you feel about staying here? Just until Buffy gets out of hospital and I move back, of course."  
  
Spike was stunned, but accepted instantly. "Sure, Giles. That'd be a good idea. You never know what's going to happen to an empty building in Sunnydale."  
  
Xander choked, and opened his mouth to argue. Then he caught Dawn, Tara and Anya shooting baleful glares his direction. He quickly brought his slice of pizza to his mouth and stuffed it in. With his mouth full, he'd be much less tempted to say something that would get the girls upset at him.  
  
With Giles' invitation and Spike's acceptance, the tension disappeared as if by magic. The atmosphere was still subdued, for they all keenly felt the lack of Buffy's presence. They talked quietly amongst themselves about commonplaces until all the pizza and cake was finished. Dawn quietly got up and collected the empty boxes, cups and plates, taking them to the trash or the sink. When she returned everyone was surveying the boxes and bags Giles and Xander had assembled.  
  
"There's another suitcase upstairs, and a couple of boxes to go into the closet. Oh, and the perishables in the kitchen need to be packed in the cooler and taken over. We'll probably have to make a couple of trips," Giles sighed.  
  
"We've got three vehicles, I think we can fit it all in," Xander said. "I'll go get the stuff from upstairs and put the boxes in the closet. I'll be back in a minute to help load the cars." He bounded upstairs.  
  
"I'll get the stuff in the kitchen. Where's your cooler?" Willow asked.  
  
"In the hall closet."  
  
Willow went down the hall, returning momentarily with the cooler. She joined Tara in the kitchen where she'd already begun pulling things out of the fridge.  
  
"I'll grab the garbage and take it to the bin," Dawn offered.  
  
Giles, Spike and Anya looked uncomfortably at each other. "I guess that leaves us to start loading the cars."  
  
"I brought Joyce's SUV," Spike volunteered. "It was cleaner and bigger and more convenient than my car. I took the back seats out to fit more stuff in, though, so I can only take one passenger back with me."  
  
"Why don't we load it first?" Giles suggested. Looking around, he pointed at the weapons lockers. "Those are heaviest, and we can put other stuff on top of them. Grab them first."  
  
Spike walked over and picked up one of the heavy lockers. "The keys are in my jacket," he said, signalling with his chin to the jacket draped over a chair. "Could you unlock the back, ducks?" he asked Anya.  
  
Unburdened except by the keys, Anya preceded Spike out the door, holding it open for him, and then opening the back hatch of the truck.  
  
"So, how much of the big argument did you hear?" she asked conversationally, watching Spike struggle with the heavy locker.  
  
He glanced up at her through his lashes. "Everything after Tara suggested Giles invite me to move in here."  
  
"Xander can be an idiot sometimes, you know? I love him, but he only sees things in black and white, good and evil, human and vampire. Don't take him too seriously, okay?"  
  
Spike hid a smile. Anya, saying Xander only sees in black and white. Keeping voice and face serious, he thanked her. A shout from inside caused them both to run back to the apartment.  
  
Xander stood on the stairs with a suitcase in one hand and a glower on his face. "What do you think you are doing, Giles?" he snarled.  
  
Giles was struggling to catch his breath as he dragged the second weapons locker to the door. "I'm trying to help," he puffed.  
  
"You have a big hole in your side. You can supervise. Watch, Watcher," Xander said forcefully, coming downstairs and pushing Giles into a chair.  
  
Spike easily picked up the locker, earning himself a sour look from the Watcher. "Xander, we are loading Joyce's SUV first. What else should go in there?" With Giles trying to treat him better, the least he could do was try and get along with Xander. If letting the young man run this show would get him to see Spike in a more favourable light, Spike was willing to take orders for the moment.  
  
Xander looked startled, but quickly covered it up by glancing over the remaining boxes. "Might as well grab the books and magic supplies," Xander said, pointing. "That should fill it, then we'll put all the food in my car and all Giles' personal stuff in his car. Anya, can you get the door?" he grunted as he lifted a box.  
  
The two men worked in silence, carrying box after box to the vehicles. Finally everything was packed, the garbage taken out, and the door locked. Xander climbed behind the wheel of his car, Anya in the passenger seat. Spike and Dawn headed back to Joyce's car. All four watched the unfolding drama around Giles' car with some amusement.  
  
Giles walked to the driver side of his car, opening the door and about to climb behind the wheel, only to be stopped by Willow.  
  
"Keys please," she said sweetly, hand extended.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You are in no shape to drive. You're still in a lot of pain and I think it'd be best if I drove," the redhead said challengingly.  
  
Giles looked around desperately. He really wanted to feel in control, though he knew he was in no shape to drive. Finally, his eyes lit on the gearshift. "Can you drive a standard?" he asked triumphantly.  
  
Willow's hand dropped and she looked chagrined. "No," she muttered.  
  
Giles made to climb behind the wheel again when a soft hand touched his shoulder. "I can."  
  
The Watcher knew when he was beat. Handing the keys to Tara, he moved to the other side of the car to sit in the passenger seat. Willow quickly slid the seat forward and waved for Giles to take the back seat. "You'll have more space to stretch out back there," she offered with false sincerity.  
  
He shot the witch a glare, but climbed behind. Truthfully, he was too tired to fight anymore. Settling into the back, he stretched out and closed his eyes.  
  
They arrived at the Summers' house well after sunset. Willow and Tara got out of the convertible, closing the doors very quietly. Giles had fallen asleep on the way over, and they didn't want to wake him. They quickly headed into the house with the three suitcases from his car.  
  
"Dawn, where do you want us to put this stuff?"  
  
Dawn directed the girls upstairs to the master bedroom. She sent Xander and Anya to the kitchen to unpack the food into the proper shelves, and helped Spike with the stuff from the SUV. On the way home, they'd discussed where to put things. Despite his vampire strength, even Spike wasn't willing to carry the weapons chests upstairs, so those were left in the living room. The books and supplies had been in the living room in Giles' apartment, but that was partly because the bedroom was so small. The master bedroom in the Summer's house was huge, but Dawn didn't want it to seem like she was trying to keep Giles' things out of the rest of the house. In the end, the boxes of books were left in the dining room for Giles to sort through when he felt up to it.  
  
Just as everything was unpacked, Giles staggered into the house, still stunned with sleep. "I have never slept so many hours of a single day," he muttered, running his hands over his face.  
  
"Well, I guess you needed it," Dawn said, sitting beside him on the couch.  
  
Giles looked up and smiled at Dawn. Looking around, he saw the lockers tucked into corners of the living room, and beyond the foyer, he could see his boxes of books on the dining room table. Dawn followed his line of sight. "We'll deal with it tomorrow, okay? I think we're both too tired to try and figure this out today. Mom's, I mean, the master bedroom is aired out and we put fresh sheets on the bed. There's a TV up there, and Willow and Tara put your suitcases just inside the door."  
  
Too tired to argue with her, Giles got up to head upstairs. On his way, he stopped in front of Xander, who leaned against the wall, yawning tiredly. "Thanks for the help today, Xander. I couldn't have managed it without you," Giles said, reaching out to shake Xander's hand.  
  
The younger man was startled by the gratitude. "Um, no problem, G-man. I'm just glad everything went well."  
  
"You and Anya should head home. You need sleep," Giles said paternally. Needing no further encouragement, Anya grabbed Xander's arm and the keys. Waving goodbye, they headed out into the night.  
  
Willow and Tara stood up to leave as well. With quick hugs for Dawn and Giles, they ran out to the waiting cab.  
  
Spike, in the kitchen, heard everyone saying farewell. He elected to remain out of sight until everyone left. Hearing the door close behind the witches, he walked towards Dawn and Giles. "Well, I think I'll be on my way as well. Want me to do a quick patrol on the way home?" he asked Giles.  
  
Giles looked at him with gratitude. "I'd appreciate it Spike. Thanks for offering. Wait!" Giles stopped the vampire as he turned to leave. "Here are the keys for the apartment," he said, fumbling them off his key ring and handing them over. "Move in anytime you want. If there's anything you need to know about the place, well, you know where to find me."  
  
Spike looked at the Watcher in shock. "You don't need to do this now. I, well, to be honest, I rather thought you were just offering for appearances sake."  
  
Giles looked ashamed. "I admit I was considering reneging on my offer. But I'm a man of my word. And as I sat there, thinking about all the things you'd gone through this year, things you'd gone through to protect us, I realized Tara was right. I don't know if I like you," Giles said thoughtfully, "but you haven't given me any reason to distrust you. Please don't make me regret this."  
  
Giles looked directly into Spike's eyes. The vampire met his gaze squarely. "I'll take good care of your apartment, Giles," Spike said seriously. Both men knew they were talking about something much more valuable than an apartment, but neither were willing to discuss the girls who were on both their minds.  
  
With a quick turn, Spike headed into the night, only to be waylaid by Dawn on the porch. "Get inside, Dawn. You know better than to be hanging about after dark."  
  
"I just wanted to say thanks for staying with me the past couple of days. I couldn't have got through this without you."  
  
"We both know that isn't true, Little Bit," Spike said tenderly. "You have the Summers' grit. You women can get through anything." He caught the girl as she flung herself into his arms, a small sob caught in her throat.  
  
"Be careful patrolling," she said, pulling back and heading for the house. "And say hello to Buffy."  
  
Spike stared at the closed door. "Summers' women," he groused. "How is it they always know what I'm going to do before I do it?" Spike headed for the nearest graveyard.  
  
Patrol was quiet. It seemed to be taking some time for the baddies to filter back to town, post-apocalypse. Spike wound up his patrol in the cemetery nearest the hospital. For long moments he looked at the bright lights surrounding the public building. He headed for the entrance, stomping out his cigarette on the way through the sliding doors.  
  
Once inside, the scent of fear, pain, and antiseptic overwhelmed him. He shuddered. He'd never liked the smell of hospitals or sick rooms, even as a human. With heightened vampire senses, he liked it even less. Quickly he headed for the elevator to Buffy's floor.  
  
With a quick smile for the ICU nurse, he slipped past and into Buffy's room. Once inside the room, he moved more slowly. First he looked at her, the beautiful blond hair splashed across the pillow, the features relaxed in her coma. Then he extended his senses, searching for any injury that the doctors might have missed. He sighed with relief. She seemed healthy, aside from the fresh injuries, which were healing well. It was just her mind that was closed off, and he could never reach that, even when she was awake and aware.  
  
He pulled a chair to the bedside and gently gripped her hand, carefully avoiding the IV tubes. "Hey, Slayer. I don't think anyone came by to see you today, so I thought I'd stop in and say hello, let you know that everything's going okay and all. Giles moved into your place today to look after Nibblet. Poor bastard. No idea what he's gotten himself into." Spike laughed quietly. "I did a patrol tonight for you. Pretty quiet. I think all the baddies fled. Can't say as I blame them. That Glory chick was a piece of work. If it wasn't for you and Nibblet, I'd have been out of here weeks ago." Spike cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Dawn's holding up well. We cleaned up your mom's room for Giles, put the last of her stuff in the basement. I hid the extra boxes before she went down there. She couldn't handle any more evidence that you were willing to die for her. She blames herself, you know." Spike sat silently for a while, absently running his thumb across her palm. "Giles asked me to stay at his place. Keep an eye on it and all that. Tara suggested it. You should've seen her, pet. Xander ranted about how I was a monster and couldn't be trusted. You know, the same old song. Tara, shy, quiet, frightened little Tara leapt to my defence. Screamed right back at him. I was standing outside, but I could hear it clear as if I was right beside her. And don't think it was vampire hearing, either. Dawnie was with me, and she could hear it too. You would have been shocked. There are depths to that witch. Should be interesting to watch."  
  
The evening dragged on, and still Spike sat, telling Buffy about his day. Finally, after midnight, voice nearly gone, he offered his goodbyes. With a tender kiss to her forehead, Spike turned and headed for his own bed.

* * *

The tiny spark danced with joy when Spike entered the room. She'd spent the day trying the walls of her prison, desperate to make contact with the outside world. A couple of the nurses talked to her as they worked, but their prattle was general and absent-minded. Finally, she gave up. The flame glittered brightly and steadily, but didn't move. Giles would have been impressed by her patience if he could have seen her.  
  
Spike's entrance sent a thrill of excitement through the ember. She told herself she was just happy to see someone she knew, happy to finally have someone tell her that everyone was still okay. She still ignored the frisson of passion that spiked through her when the vampire appeared.  
  
She listened intently to him speaking. He told her everything that happened that day, even down to the minutiae of what everyone was wearing. He detailed everyone's state of mind, how they were holding up. Everyone but himself. She found herself frustrated that he didn't tell her about himself. After several hours, she could hear his voice growing hoarse with overuse. Finally he said goodnight. She danced madly, trying to let him know how much his visit meant to her, but he disappeared out the door. Once more the spark settled into a steady flame, waiting for the walls to wear away.

* * *

Hey everyone!  
  
Much apologies for the tardiness of this chapter. Hopefully, the length will make up for the month you've been waiting.  
  
Many thanks to all my reviewers. Particular thanks go out to skywolffem2 who reviewed today. I don't know how you found it, but thanks for the review. Thanks also go out to everyone who have reviewed the previous chapters. There's getting to be so many of you, I can't list you all.  
  
Again, the title is stolen from Sonnets from the Portuguese. Number 7, this time.  
  
Please keep reading, even though it took forever to update. I promise I'll try to do better.  
  
Love Always, GarniGal 


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